I Want To Be Bad
by powerfulluv
Summary: NH Haley is sick of what her community thinks of her. She's ready to break free from everyone's expectations. Who better to help her break lose than that of her best friends' cousin, Nathan Scott? How will the people of Tree Hill handle Haley's decision
1. It All Started With This

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters we should all know that by now. Enjoy.

_**I Want To Be Bad**_

**Chapter One: It All Started With This**

Behind every human being, there are goals, dreams, and disasters. I had to deal with all these things in one, when I made a huge mistake. I never expected to get caught. Truth be told I never expected the prank to go that far. But indeed, it had and indeed, I was punished. I guess I never was truly happy where I was at, in Los Angeles, with the friends, or if I could even call them that, that I had at the time. I say it as if it were so long ago, when in fact it had only been three days ago. Yeah I know, I screwed up, but hey, I am only seventeen, a male, and completely deprived of a real family.

Okay I know those are just excuses, but they are what was pretty much my problem in the first place. I guess you could say, that I was one of those lonely boys who never got to know their fathers, and their mother was a drunk. Well that was the story of my life, disastrous parents cause disastrous children. I admit that I have not made the best decisions when it came to my life, and I think it could have just been a cry for help. But what the hell did I know? I am only seventeen.

So here I was, sitting as quietly as I could, trying not to awake the old lady beside me, on a plane. A one way trip to Tree Hill. Yeah, I was being sent to Tree Hill to live with my Aunt, Karen and my Uncle Keith Scott. I never really got the chance to meet them, our families never got along, and when we moved, I forgot all about Lucas, my cousin who I was never really close to in the beginning.

As sad as that is, Lucas is probably the one thing I have to look forward to. I want to see who he is now, to see if he turned out to be a jackass like me. I laugh at the mere thought of that. It was pure lunacy. I am sure the kid has a perfect attendance record and a 4.0 GPA. As I sit here, I bask in the fact that it is summer and I won't have to go through the whole high school thing until later.

Although, because of my idiocy and stupidity, I have a job. I read the paper again, 'Tree Hill Country Club…Lifeguard' Just my luck. I sigh; beginning to feel comfortable in my seat, as the scent of old lady perfume grows on me.

"Thanks Mom," I say sarcastically, "Thanks for shipping your son, millions of miles away. Boy if that's not love, what the hell is?" I whisper while my eyes begin to close.

I awake to the sound of the old lady chopping on her gum. I am slightly annoyed when she begins to speak to me about numerous trivial topics. "Lady," I say fed up with her already, "Shove it," I say rudely while picking up my baggage to get off the plane.

I'm not waiting long until I see a guy standing as tall as me, with blond shaggy hair. It finally hits me that this guy is none other than my cousin, Lucas. I nod my head up at him and give a smirk. He looks good. He successfully survived through puberty.

"Hey man," Lucas says with ease as I shake his hand in return. "It's been a while," He states, making me nod with bitter annoyance. Way to state the obvious. I know I should be nice, so I suck it up and respond relatively politely.

"Yeah, it sure has," We exchange small talk and gradually walk towards his car. I stop to fixate my eyes on his beauty of a car. A brand new pristine Porsche, and boy is it gorgeous. Lucas seems to notice my gawking and begins to explain how my uncle Keith bought it for him last year. I begin to feel the jealousy grow. I don't think I will like this guy for long.

We drive for an hour till we reach a mansion that Lucas calls a house. Okay, so now it was made official that this kid was extremely wealthy. We exchange more small talk until we reach the living room and I pause to gape at the exquisiteness of the house. Then Luke begins to laugh at me.

"Don't get out much, do you?" I force myself to bite my tongue. If I was to obtain any fun here, I knew that I would need Lucas' help. Thus, I choked down my snide comment and replied leisurely.

"Apparently not," I follow him around all the corridors of his 'house' and pretend to listen while he explains the history behind each room. It appears that this house is an heirloom in the Scott family, probably the reason why my parents hated Lucas's.

We finally reach the guestrooms, and because there is quite a few, I get to pick. Aren't I just lucky? I finally decide on the first floor bedroom, right next to the outside window, far away and out of earshot of my aunt and uncle's room. I figure, easy escape: away from family, bottom floor, window, leads to the street. Perfect.

I throw my suitcase in the empty closet and lie back on the bed, hoping to get some sleep. I can still feel Lucas' presence there, what he wants, I'm unsure of, but I know that I can't get some shut eye with him standing over me. I open my left eye to see him smiling down at me. I close my eye again. This is just a bit strange.

"What?" I ask disturbed by Lucas' actions and his now laughter. I finally sit up and open my eyes to face him. I crinkle my nose in question, and he still just laughs.

"I thought we could talk," He says and I have to roll my eyes. I'm not into cousin bonding right now. "Or not," he laughs again, "but I'm supposed to tell you all about your job." I sigh; I'm not ready to hear about the do's and don'ts of my new job. I just barely arrived in town. I stay silent waiting for his speech to pass. "You start in an hour," My jaw drops to the floor, unbelievably. I shake my head as I stand up.

"They aren't going to make it easy for me, are they?" I question the ceiling before following Lucas out into the living room. "Okay hot shot," I name him, "show me the ropes," He laughs again, which begins to anger me. "What is with this laughing bit?" I ask now irritated.

"You're in over your head, man," He shakes his head, which scares me a little and he begins to tell me about my duties. I'm not sure why Lucas is telling me all of this, when it should be Keith and Karen's job to do all this teaching and material substance. I decide to let it go for now, knowing that by tonight I will finally see my aunt and uncle.

We get back in the car, and Lucas drives me to the Tree Hill Country Club. As we walk out towards the gates, I begin the think that Lucas is right; I may be way over my head. We finally arrive at the front desk where I observe Lucas flirting with the receptionist. I look down at her nametag that reads Brooke. I take another look at her and I notice the second time around that she isn't hard to look at, and is actually really easy on the eyes. I smirk while she looks in my direction.

"Oh, this is Nathan, my cousin." Lucas says bleakly, and I can't help but laugh in spite of myself. Brooke smiles in a way that I know she's not innocent. I nod my head; there was no need for me to talk just yet. "Come on, let's go," He leads me away towards the pool, and I know he's jealous.

It doesn't take him long to get over his jealousy and begins to tell me what to do. "You know, as a lifeguard here, no one has ever drowned or even been injured. It's just a precaution," I nod carelessly. After telling me all about first aid he walks me around the pool area, telling, or warning me, about the members here that I should look out for. "Mr. Johnson," he continues, "he's pushy, but really is a good listener when he wants to be."

I can't help but open my mouth now, "Is Brooke a good listener?" I shoot at him laughing when his face becomes displeased. We stop at the lifeguard chair. "What?" He shakes his head at me, "Cool it dude, I know she's probably your property," That doesn't mean that I'm going to stay away though.

"She isn't my property, Nathan," Wow, he seems to really like this girl. "And even if she was, I'm sure Mr. Davis would murder me," He said nervously laughing as if he had come close to it before.

"Met the Father, that scary?" He nods, "So, what? Is he like the owner of this place or something?" I suddenly become aware that Lucas is shocked at my question.

"No, actually. My parents, own it." Now I nod my head. I should have figured. They're wealthy and probably arrogant, although Lucas doesn't seem too bad. It hits me now that the reason I have this job is so my aunt and uncle can keep an eye out for me. Goody.

"Right," I say, "So anyone else I should look out for?" I ask, not wanting to further my jealousy. He shakes his head causing me to worry a little.

"Haley James," I laugh, she sounds harmless. "Don't mess with her, and we'll be alright," he threatens me, and I pretend to shake in my boots.

"What, is she like some sort of goddess or something?" I smirk for a minute trying to imagine this Haley girl. I'm picture a tall blonde with big curves, in high heels and a baby tee.

"She's my best friend," Lucas tells me in the same warning tone as before which snaps me out of my images. I laugh; how absurd, Lucas, best friends with a chick. I laugh hard and that makes him scowl even harder at me. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," I stutter out, "it's just ironic," I tell him, stopping myself from saying too much. By the look he's giving me, he is pretty serious. I decide to stop laughing as he looks down at his watch.

"Well, looks like you start now. Stay out of trouble," I nod again, looking for a place to change. This was going to be quite boring. I curse myself for not bringing my headphones. N.E.R.D. would sound so good at the moment.

It's dark and I've been watching these rich snooty people for hours on end, if I have to stay here for another minute longer I think I may just go out of my mind. I look down at my watch to see my shift is almost done with.

This time when I look up, I notice that the pool is nearly empty except for a petite girl. She looks so stunning swimming laps. How I did not notice her in the beginning, I'm not sure of. I try my hardest not to stare; no wait that's a lie, I want to stare, I don't care if I'm being rude or not. I think now she notices my presence for she has stopped swimming her laps.

She swims towards the area of the pool in front of the lifeguard chair and me. I take notice of how amazingly good she looks wet. My eyes glaze up towards her at her eyelashes; the water making them darker than they seem to be. Droplets drop down from her long lavishing dark lashes slowly as if capturing me in a gaze. My eyes slowly find there way out of her trance and drop down towards her bare neck and shoulders. Her skin shines at every angle and her skin looks so vulnerable, almost as if it's whispering to me to feel her. I can't help but guide my eyes down to her breasts and her Victoria's Secret-looking bathing suit. I begin to imagine malicious thoughts of what I could do to her, what I could make her scream.

"Hey, can you do me a favor?" My eyes quickly jolt to hers, the images fading away and now the look of her tender eyes injecting into me. She smiles at me, hopping to get in my good graces.

I smirk began to form on my lips; this girl was in for a taste.


	2. Thoughts of A Trapped Mind

Chapter Two: Thoughts of A Trapped Mind 

__

Don't look for no worries, 

_Worries and troubles come around  
Yes, I don't look for no worries, people, worries _

_And troubles come around  
The world keeps on turning, _

_I got to keep my feet on the ground_

Nobody saw me cryin' - nobody knows the way I feel  
Nobody saw me cryin' - nobody knows the way I feel

_-Fleetwood Mac_

This guy is really something else.

What could be going through his mind as of now, I can only roll my eyes at the mere thought. Instead of showing him my annoyance, I kindly ask for him to hand me my towel. With that same smirk plastered on his face he nods and walks over to the where I point at. It's now that I take notice of his incredibly nice body.

I try my hardest not to break into a smile, but I blush anyways as I step up from the pool stairs. It shocks me when he walks up to my dripping body and wraps the white fluffy towel around my figure. It's silent for a moment as we stare into each other's eyes. I finally realize that his hands are still placed on the towel around my shoulders.

I don't know what this force is, but at this very moment I want nothing more than to touch his lips with my own. I want to run my hand through his hair and to feel every part of his well-toned body. And I want him to do the same to me. It's a weird feeling, one that I've never gotten before I've gotten to know a guy. I'm not usually this way, I was always taught to be the good girl, to never get involved with boys other than Lucas.

Everyone knows about Luke and I. That we are strictly friends, and nothing more.. Not that I would complain, I mean I love Luke. He is so great to me and I haven't had a better friend. He always finds ways to cheer me up when my parents or anything or anyone else hurts me. We've been friends forever, so we know everything about each other.

But then that's where sometimes I get frustrated. He knows me inside and out. He knows as well as the rest of the town that I'm some rich goody goody who doesn't know the meaning of the words fun and excitement. My life is so plastic, so boring. It feels unreal; like I'm trapped in a glass bottle watching as lives of others pass me by.

So maybe I have all the things a girl could ask for and more. But somehow that just isn't enough. I want more. I want to get out of this glass doll I have become. I feel like nobody here, people know me to well, and they expect me to be all high and mighty just because I'm a high scholar who has her life mapped out for her. I don't want to be predictable anymore. And when I'm not, I don't want people to freak out and judge. I want them to accept me for my own decisions. And not my parents'.

The sad part to all of this, no one has a clue to the way I'm feeling. Not even Lucas. I guess a part of me is scared because I know that they will judge me. So I stay put in this glass bottle that was created for me until I can find a way to break the glass.

I finally muster out a "Thanks," And I gradually step away with a half smile towards the beach chair to gather the rest of my clothes and to slip on my flip-flops. I turn around to find him smirking at me still and I know that his thoughts are going way beyond R ratings. But unlike the other nameless guys that tried this stuff on me, I feel intrigued with this one.

I lick my lips as I slowly walk past him, making sure my leg has a chance to gently rub up next to his. As I walk up to him with an uneasy smile, I try to be sexy and seductive with my leg. I try to scrap past him, let him touch me for a brief moment and then walk away leaving him unsatisfied. However, he doesn't let me leave.

"Wait," he says huskily with his hands gently yet still holding on to my upper arm. I'm caught off guard so my smirk isn't applied on my face. I wait for him to do or say what he needed, but it takes him a while for him to glance back in forth between my eyes until that smirk of his reappears. "You almost forgot this,"

I glance over to see my purse in his hand. A sigh of relief washes over me and I want to hug this guy for reminding me. I take it with ease and look back up at him. It's funny, because I know what he's thinking. I know what he wants. I'm not an idiot, I know guys like him. Most guys like this irritate me and all I want to do is show them a piece of my mind.

But with this lifeguard guy, it's different.

"Thank you," I smile up at him and his hand falls away from my arm.

Instead of being totally repulsed by his foul thoughts and wanting to totally yell in his face to back off, I want him. It surprises me, of how much I want to feel his touch against my skin again, how I want him to want me.

I don't understand why I feel this way. Maybe I'm feed up with being the predictable good girl with so much going for her. Maybe I just want to show it to people that I'm more than who they see me as.

Or maybe I'm just making up excuses. Because this guy is very tempting.

"So, I'll see you around?" I smile up at his question and I take off before giving him my name. I figure he'll like the chase, and it will give us both time to work on our next moves. Because by the looks of it, he isn't done with me yet.

And I am certainly not done with him.

IMGhttp/img. 


	3. Some Folks Just Have The Good Life

**Chapter 3: Some Folks Just Have the Good Life  
**

_You know life can be so sad  
Sometimes you just sit right down and cry  
But I can't stop my mind wandering  
Back to the days I was just a down trodden kid  
Some folks have such a good life  
You know they just get on that big train, and you ride_

_-Fleetwood Mac_

And I thought this job was going to be the end of my existence.

I watch her walk away, a smirk still playing on my lips. I'm curious to why she played with my mind. From the beginning, I figured that she was one of_ those_ types. The kind where they believe they are better than everyone, better than to get involved with someone like me. You know the _rich_ types.

Okay so I had stereotyped her at first. Because she's a member of this Club, I believed that she had the wealth. And I was always raised to think that with wealth comes arrogance. I admit I judged.

And I also admit that I was wrong.

That look in her eyes had washed away all the judgment I had of her. Somehow in just this one little encounter, I could tell she was different. I could tell that there was more to her opulently exterior. I could tell she's trying her hardest not to drown in this mania we call life. I knew with those innocent hazel eyes, that she is itching for a way out.

And I'm planning on being her escape.

I shake those thoughts out of my head when I glance back down to my watch and it reads ten past eight. It was indeed time for me to head to Keith and Karen's. I find my way out of the pool area and down towards the reception hall of this club where I first come in contact with the eyes of 'Lucas' Property'

"Hey," I hear her voice coo at me. I gracefully turn around and face her. I nod my head as she smiles at me. I notice that she is about to leave; her coat is on and her purse is over her shoulder, with keys in hand. "You working here?"

"Yeah, lifeguard," I act cool about it, instead of whining about how annoying these rich people are. I sigh. It's not that I don't find Brooke attractive. Anyone with eyes could tell she was striking.

"Oh," She smiles again and takes a step forward. "You seem tired," I can feel her hand creep up onto my arm. She looked up at me with the same smile that had convinced me of her familiarity in _experience_. It hits me that Lucas wants her.

"Yeah, long day," I smirked at her expression. Suddenly, I wasn't bothered with her anymore. I was in fact intrigued. I think of this as an opportunity to piss Lucas off. And why would I want to do that? Simple.

He has everything.

"Nathan, right?" She smiles again and I nod with mischief. I know we are thinking of the same impish ways to seduce each other. Then slowly, she moves her hand away. "I'll be seeing you," She winks and walks out of the hall. I smirk at this girl. She knows how to play the field. But I wonder if she cares about Lucas at all.

At first I think I have to walk home, but then Lucas pulls up in that Porsche of his. We kindly exchange small talk, and I know he wants to know about my first day on the job. I don't really want him to know. I don't really want him part of my life. I briskly tell him of the long boring day I've had and before he can ask anymore we pull up into the driveway.

I step out of the car and I take another glance of the exquisite house. I can't call this place my home. I know I don't belong here.

I walked back into the halls of this place and I find myself rushing to my guestroom. As weird as it sounds, it felt suffocating to be in this place. Everything is huge and spread apart. And there is actually room to breathe, something I'm not used to.

Up to this point, my whole life had been intoxicating.

My dad was never around. I tried to believe that he was working hard for my mom and I. I used to believe that he was the good guy, and that he was just doing what was best for our family. But my high view of him had completely changed that night I found my mother horrifyingly drunk. She began spilling facts of our lives that I had never thought possible.

I was seven at the time.

I then knew it was because of her that he was never around. They had a horrible marriage to begin with, and I was the mistake. I'm sure at one point they must have loved each other, however I'm assuming that it all changed when I came into this world.

Whenever my dad had managed to stay home, they constantly fought. I know that drove my dad away, and my mom into a drunken oblivion. And me, well, it drove me into an apathetic world.

Suddenly there is a knock at my door and it's Luke on the other side telling me dinner is ready. I take a deep breath and tell him I will be right out. I say a silent prayer hoping that this evening won't turn out to be a bust.

I find my way towards the kitchen where I first see Karen and Keith. I freeze for a minute before regaining my conscience and sit down at the table. The dinner room is huge, and I feel so far away from Keith, Karen, and Luke.

"Good evening, Nathan," I turn to see Karen smiling at me, "How was your flight?" I manage a half smile and tell her it was okay but could have been better. She kept that smile on her face while putting the napkin in her lap.

"I trust you had a fairly good day on the job today, am I right?" Keith asks me and I give the same crooked smile. I give the same speal that I had given Luke in the car. He nodded and proceeds with questions towards Lucas.

Here I am sitting on my bed, thinking back on the dinner I just had.

It was one of the strangest dinners I have ever had. They are a family. They actually have real conversations, and they joke around with each other; like a _real_ family.

And it was weird to be placed in the middle of that. I'm not used to that; I'm not used to being around people who care so much about each other, who are always there to talk with, to share you fears and dreams.

I sigh. Keith and Karen aren't who I thought they'd be. And I confess that I had judged them poorly too. I guess I always figured they didn't care about anyone but themselves. However, tonight seemed to change my perspective on them.

I guess some people just have the good life. And I admit that I'm jealous.

My mind flows back to the previous hours of when I had laid my eyes on the beautiful brunette. I don't know what it was about her, but something had me drawn in. I close my eyes and fall asleep to the images of me and her together.


	4. Blessings For A Brighter Day

**Chapter Four: Blessings For A Brighter Day **

_Everything's going around in my head  
The futures new and the past is dead  
Pull out the stops, turn on the light  
Cause away from the darkness everything seems bright_

_-Fleetwood Mac_

I waited for Luke to pick me today, and I was disappointed when he left me a message saying that he was sorry but something came up and to meet him at the park at our usual time. I figure that when he means 'something' came up, he meant Brooke.

I don't care for Brooke. She isn't his type. I know Luke tells me that there is so much more to her, but I don't care. She never cared to take a minute of her precious time to talk to me. I'm not jealous, I just believe that Luke deserves better. Luke is so deep, so passionate about the things he loves. Where Brooke only cares about sex, parties, and alcohol.

I've tried telling Luke ever since we were in junior high my feelings about her. I've stopped trying about a year ago. Probably the only thing that gets on my last nerves with Luke is that he is bull headed and very determined to get what he wants. I mean he's a great guy, but sometimes I just wish he couldn't tell when I was annoyed with him and this particular subject.

We never ran in the same circle in school, and we still don't. So that is why I was shocked when not too long ago, when Luke joined the basketball team mind you, Brooke began to take interest in my loser of a best friend. She is just interested in him now because of his basketball status and I have to groan and complain at the thought. People like her are what give the public the permission to stereotype us just because we attended private school and our parents are members of the Country Club. It's frustrating and I'm sick of being stereotyped.

I find myself comfortably wrapped up in my light blue sweater strolling down towards the park. This path is so familiar to me; I could come here in my sleep. I walk down towards the benches of where Luke and I always come to talk or think or both.

I look out at all the playground toys, allowing past memories to fill within me. I remember when we were both little and we would always find ourselves here, together. It was comfortable and safe back then, and I enjoyed the feeling of having Luke in my life standing over my head. But there came a time, of when I'm not sure of, that I felt suffocated, and I realized that if I didn't do something about it, I would never being able to breathe again.

I sit down on our usual bench and I don't wait long before I see Luke guiding towards me with his hair ruffled and his hands in his side pockets. He smiles at me and greets me with the usual 'Hey Hales'.

I manage a smile as he sits across from me, a smile on his face and I know, immediately, that he was with Brooke. "So how does it feel to know that you ditched your best friend for your best hoe?" I question with a sarcastic laugh, but somehow that doesn't manage to bring his happiness down. However, he does shake his head with an eye roll.

"I'm sorry, but her work schedule changed and she had some free time," I wanted to yell at him that I didn't care, but I restrained myself and just nodded. I put my legs up on the long bench looking down at them. "Something on your mind?" He asks and I want nothing more than to tell him about it, but I knew he just wouldn't understand.

So I shake my head lightly and stare back up at him, "You?" He sighs deeply and that's when I know he's going to start talking about his cousin. Apparently he came into town not too long ago, and Luke doesn't know how he feels about it. All his life he felt that he should hate him, that because of his aunt and uncle he never owed them anything. "Is this about Nathan?" I shouldn't have to question him for I already know that I'm right.

He nods, "I just don't understand. We give him a place to stay, provide him with food, and not once has he thanked us. I feel like he is taking this whole thing for granted," I watch Luke's eyes cloud over with confusion. I've always heard stories about the fallout between the two Scott families. It was complicated; lets just leave it at that.

I find this as an opportunity to use my excellent intellect, "Maybe he's just a little confused himself. Give him time, I'm sure he'll come around," I try showing perspective on this situation, but I can tell by Luke's body language that he doesn't want it.

"You don't know him Hales," He grinds his teeth together, "He's not some noble, God-loving good guy," I listen to his voice as it gets sharper with every sentence, "He got into trouble, massive trouble, and his drunk of a mother couldn't handle him so she booted him out and sent him here to stay with us. "

And now this is where I step in and reassure Luke that in due time everything will return back to normal. And I tell him that no matter what he's always got his parents and me. He finally smiles at me when I finish and I know he is over the whole situation, for now.

"I know," He says back at me with an even bigger grin than before he arrived, "That's why I love you," I nod at him, but this time I don't have to force myself to smile. It comes naturally. "I always know I can count on you," My smile fades a bit when his words cut me like a knife. I'm the predictable Haley, never impulsive or unexpected. "Are you sure everything is fine?"

He's been asking me this question for the past few days, but like always I lie and tell him yes. I look behind Luke to see that the sunset and the wonderful colors of red and orange filling the sky.

It's time for me to lie again and tell him that I'm feeling slightly tired and I would like to head home. He gullibly believes this and protectively tells me to drink plenty of water get lots of rest. I want to roll my eyes, because I know this. I know how to take care of myself.

But I just nod and slide off the bench and pretend to head home. However, instead of heading towards my house, I take another turn and head toward the Country Club. I've continued this cycle of going the Club's pool every night to do laps. Somehow it seemed so freeing, like my independence zone. It's not that I can't tell Luke about this, but it's more of I don't want him to know. I want this place for once, to be about me and my space. I know that at this time of night, no one is there.

No one except for that attractive new lifeguard. I can't hide the smirk that creeps onto my lips. I know I barely know him, in fact I don't know him at all. But that's what makes it even more exciting. That I don't know him, and better yet, that he doesn't know me.

I change into my swimsuit and find my way over towards the end of the pool. I pretend to not see _him _sitting there, in his lifeguard chair, in his red swim trunks, staring at me. I don't want to look too desperate, so I dip my legs in, and wait for him to come to me. However, he doesn't come to me right away, and instead he just stares.

And I don't find his staring disturbing.

I take this chance to slowly massage my neck, acting as if I have been stressed out all day, and I know that it's working. He slowly gets out of his chair, and saunters over towards me. I still pretend not to notice and I can tell that it's bothering him a bit.

"You're tense," He states and I look up at him as if I am surprised to see him there. Without words, he sits down beside me and tenderly places his hands on my shoulders. I melt under his warm touch, my eyes close, and I know that he knows his effect on me. He begins to gently massage my shoulders, his warm breath caressing at my ear.

The sensation is overwhelming, and it takes everything within me to keep from moaning. At this moment, I'm sure that he is smirking.

"What's your name?" He huskily whispers in my ear, his hands still moving at a calm pace. I don't know why, but the words flow out of my mouth before I can stop them.

"Is it relevant?" It dawns on me, that I don't want to give out my name. And it's sad to say that I don't really believe that it's significant to know his name, at least not now. But I'm really not sure at the moment, for my mind has completely shut off and my body is now in control.

"I guess not," He states in the same rasping voice and I know that he will make no attempt to tell me his name, but at the moment I don't really care.

I finally open my eyes when he suddenly stops massaging me. I slowly turn to face him and when I look in his eyes, I know that he's feeling the same way as me. That he just wants to feel me, as I want to feel him.

This is the moment of realization. It's either I chicken out, go back to being predictable Haley, or I don't run, and I finally see what it's like to be untamed. I half expect to feel my feet rising up out of the water, pushing me away and crawling back into my whole of a life.

However, I had already made up my mind days ago.


	5. Baby, Let's Investigate

IMGhttp/img. Five: Baby, Let's Investigate_  
_

_Baby, baby, baby, let's investigate  
The other side of life tonight  
The lovers and the fighters  
And the risks they take  
Are on the other side of life tonight  
Let's loose our way  
Go completely astray_

_-Moody Blues_

She wants me. Badly.

I can tell by her vulnerable posture, and her weak eyes. I should know these looks by now; I've had this effect on many women numerous times before. She waits for me to make the first move, but I'm never one to crack under pressure.

But the truth is I can't resist her, and it's getting harder by the second. So I snake my hand around her neck, powerfully forcing her head towards mine, and in a matter of seconds our lips are connected.

I am fully aware that she doesn't want this to mean anything more than just one night. She doesn't believe in exchanging names. But I'm not complaining.

I aggressively taste her lips, and with each growing moment I can feel my heart beating faster. She doesn't hesitate to do the same; her lips swell with each new movement. And now it seems like its just not enough. I move my lips down towards her neck while being able to feel her chest move heavily in and out.

My hunger for her begins to grow stronger and I try to force myself closer to her, but that only causes problems. Suddenly I feel our bodies shift and we unexpectedly plunge into the pool. The water splashes everywhere, but that doesn't stop me from holding on to her waste pushing her against the concrete wall.

Now, soaking wet, our bodies mesh together, driving at each other's for satisfaction. I can't help myself but move my lips towards her neck; my lips dig roughly at her sensitive skin. She doesn't complain, and only moans while her hands find my hair.

My hands roam towards the tie on her bathing suit, and while my lips travel down to her exposed breasts, I gently untie the strings.

But I'm thrown off guard when she pushes on my chest creating distance between us. Suddenly I feel cold without the warmth of her body. The only sounds I can hear are the heavy breaths of our breathing.

I look up at her to see that she is completely flustered. However, I can't tell what she's thinking or if she has doubts. But then she throws another curve ball at me. She smiles.

"My name is Haley," She tells me softly, but before I can get the chance to move, speak, or even think, she pushes herself out of the pool and I watch as she briskly picks up her things and walks away.

I sigh totally in shock at the whole fiasco. I don't know now, what this whole mania meant, what she wants. I thought I knew who she was, what she wanted. But now I'm not so sure. Now I'm just left dazed and confused.

And left me wanting more of her.

It suddenly strikes me that she gave away her name. Haley. The smile on my face dies down when I begin to think that she's Lucas' Haley. But I try not to worry and attempt to convince myself that there are tons of Haley's out there and that it'd be a slim to none chance that she would be The Haley.

However it doesn't work so well. I know that she is probably the Haley that Lucas warned me to stay away from. Then swiftly, my mind begins to believe that this isn't a bad thing. Maybe he won't care so much.

It hits me that somehow I'm not really good at convincing myself tonight.

I don't know what else to do but leave and I end up waiting forever when I finally realize that Lucas either forgot or got sidetracked and he isn't going to pick me anytime soon.

Suddenly I see Brooke walk out of the building towards her car. Out of impulse I call out her name and it easily grabs her attention. She smiles and me and I jog over to her and kindly as her for a ride home. She tells me it's no problem and starts to explain how Lucas is good at getting sidetracked and should ask her dad for a good deal on a car. I thank her and slid into her car.

We drive in silence for a while until she finally speaks up again, sending me the chills.

"So you and Haley, huh?" I jerk my head to face her. How did she know? Was she good friends with Haley? So many other questions filled my mind when she smiled mischievously at me. "Come on, I saw you two going at it." I stay silent, my eyes still focusing on her. "I mean it's shocking really. Never would expect Miss Goody Two Shoes to convert to the dark side," She laughs bitterly, which irks me.

"What do you mean?" I ask while looking out the window. I suddenly have this great interest in Haley's life and Brooke's scene in all this.

"I sound bitter, don't I? It's just she'll always have a part of Luke's heart and vice versa." Suddenly I felt a bolt of jealousy run through my body. So it's confirmed. She's The Haley. The one I'm supposed to stay away from. "I just have to deal with it though, I mean that's never going to change. No matter how much I try to break them, their bond is indestructible." She sighs and I believe that she actually tried to destroy their relationship.

I cringe at the thought of them having a relationship. I then wonder if Brooke really does feel for Luke and I take this opportunity to ask her straight out.

"So you and Luke?" I let it linger there as she smiles again at me and begins to explain how she's not really sure what their relationship means. The sex is great she told me, which I immediately told her that I did not want to hear anymore. She laughs and then agrees. We stop at Luke's house and for a moment I have the urge to ask questions about Haley and Luke's 'relationship.

Though, I bite my tongue and slip out of the car and into the house. And for the rest of the night, I try to forget about the whole heat action between Haley and I.

However, I don't succeed and my mind keeps making my lips curve into a smile.


	6. My Head Becomes Perplexed

**Chapter Six: My Head Becomes Perplexed **

_My mind becomes confused  
Between the dead and the sleeping  
And the road that I must choose._

_I'm looking for someone to change my life.  
I'm looking for a miracle in my life_

_-Moody Blues_

I don't know why, and I don't know how. But it happened.

For that moment, I felt alive; I felt real. And it scared me. His every touch sent sparks throughout my body. It was exciting and intriguing. And it left me feeling wild. Though, what I don't understand is why I gave him my name. I guess it worried me, the way it felt. You know, the intense feeling that makes you want to scream. I've kissed guys before, but never has it gotten so passionate. It was a new experience for me, and to say the least, I enjoyed it.

More than I really should have.

I wanted to stay there, in that cold pool, all wet, with his arms around my waist. I wanted to go further until I couldn't think.

But something stopped me; something told me it was just too soon. So I pushed him away and tore off. I ran away from something that frightened me, which made me realize that I'm a coward. I just scurried away from something that could have been my escape from this dreadful place I like to refer to as my life.

It truly makes no sense, yet here I am, lying down in my bed, staring at my blank ceiling, trying to figure out what the hell I just got myself into. It dawns on me when I see from the corner of my eye a small red light flashing that I have a message.

'Hales, it's me Luke; just checking up on you, making sure you're okay. I'm assuming you listened to my great advice and got some rest. That a girl. Anyways, get better and I'll call you in the morning. Night. '

I want to roll my eyes. I'm so sick and tired of him acting like a brother instead of a friend. I so badly want to tell him how I feel, but I'm so afraid that he won't understand. Usually my gut instincts are right.

I finally decide to turn off my light and sleep off my frustration.

"Haley James!" Really, who does she think she is? Telling me how to run my life? I want nothing more than to shout at her to go away, but of course that never works, so the only way of getting away from her is to leave.

She's part of the reason I hate my life so much.

"Haley, get down here right this instant or you will not be allowed to see Lucas!" I hear her shrill voice yell at me.

She always threatens me this way.

And I'm usually always a slave to it. It's not like I need Luke to survive or anything, and it's not like I completely despise him. In fact, it really has nothing to do with that. He really isn't the problem at all. He just adds to it.

I love Luke, really I do.

But at the moment, being apart from him doesn't sound so bad.

"Whatever," I groan as I briskly walk down the stairs to pick up my bag that's close by. I plan on going for a walk. The beach sounds like a perfectly good place to think about my evening last night and to contemplate on telling Lucas or not.

She can sense my attitude and tries to comment on it, but as she opens her mouth I yell out first, "Mom! I don't want to discuss it right now okay?" I don't let her respond back as I rush out the door, slamming it in the process.

It's not fair; she expects me to be her little doll. Someone that she can control and play with. And it's so damn frustrating! I find myself walking towards Lucas's house again. I want to curse my feet for being so used to it, but instead I just allow them to walk up to his front door.

For a moment I stand there, waiting for the signals in my brain to travel down to my arm to move it towards the doorbell. Why am I even here? It's not like I'm going to tell him, right? But I want to, more than that, I need to.

I need to tell him sooner or later. So why not just get it over with?

My arm finally rises and I can vaguely here the ringer from inside.

Then the weirdest thing happens, my stomach churns; my instinctive vibes begin to tell me that something's not right.

Suddenly, the door swings open to reveal _him. _

My jaw drops wide open, and my stomach laughs at me because I should have seen this coming.


	7. I'm About To Break the Rules

**Chapter Seven: I'm About to Break the Rules**

_You need a friend _

_I'll be around_

_Don't let this end before I see you again_

_What Can I say to convince you to change your mind?_

_-Gavin Degraw_

In just this one instant, so many different emotions run throughout my body, more than I think is possible.

Before I can stop myself, a smile appears brightly on my lips, and my mouth runs dry. She's here, in front of me, looking more gorgeous than ever. But I notice something slightly different than I did yesterday.

"Haley? What are you doing here?" I now have the greatest urge to hit myself in the forehead. Lucas, of course, is the reason. I feel like a major idiot and sling my head down in embarrassment. I wait for her to laugh at me, but nothing comes so I put my head back up. I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion; she looks deathly serious.

"Oh god," She whispers, which kind of bruises my confidence, "You're Nathan," I'm pleased that she knew me and I figure that Lucas has talked about me. Now I wonder what she thinks of me. What did Lucas say about me exactly? Did he mention my entire life story to her? Did he badmouth me like I probably would if I were in his shoes?

My smile fades and I suddenly feel discomfort towards her. "I guess you heard about me," I watched as she stared at me motionless and in complete shock and slightly horror. "Are you okay?" She shakes her head and suddenly pulls on my shirt to slide me closer.

"Is Lucas home?" She asked my quickly as if she could get caught at any moment. I watch as her eyes scan mine back and forth. I want to say something, but I can't help myself when my body is so close to hers. I want to wrap my arms around her waste and pull her closer. But I know that I must contain myself, and I allow her arm to graze mine. Her hand suddenly releases my collar.

She raises her eyebrows at me, awaiting my answer.

"Oh, no. He left not too long ago. I think he said something about going somewhere with Brooke." She huffed and was horrible at hiding the roll of her beautiful brown eyes. "Jealous or something?"

Her right eye scrunches for a moment in disgust, "Or something," I watch her intently while she starts pacing in front of me. "This is not good," My heart slumps; great, just the motivation I needed. "What am I going to do?" I crank my head to the side and watch as she talks to herself.

I want to laugh at the absurdity.

I walk over to her and gently yet firmly place my hands on her shoulders. "Stop. Hey, it's okay. " I tried to coax her, and it worked, for about a second. She shakes her head violently.

"No, no. You're Nathan. I can't. We can't," Okay, so when she says this, my guy instincts kick in and I play it cool. I act as if I don't understand what the hell she's talking about. I pretend to be confused.

"Can't what?" I can sense a little irritation from her as she leans forward and widens her eyes towards me.

"You know, us!" She shouts at me and I cant help but smile and laugh like a jock who has just dumped his three-month girlfriend.

"Babe, there is no _us._ " I smirk which makes her glare. And suddenly I really want to take that back. I know that she is going to hit me right back.

"You know what, you're right. In fact, I have a date tonight," Smack. Oh right in the gut. She whisks around with intensity and starts to stride away. I wait three seconds before she turns around again and comes rushing back over to me. She comes right up into my face. "Don't say a word to Lucas," Her voice is serious and I nod and obey as If I'm her pet dog.

When I don't respond she takes off again and leaves me staring off in the distance, regretting my last few moves. Sometimes I really can be a dumbass.


	8. Why Cant I Breathe

**Chapter Eight: Why Can't I Breathe Whenever I Think About You?**

_  
I'd love for you to make me wonder  
Where it's goin'  
I'd love for you to pull me under  
Something's growin'  
for this that we can control  
Baby I am dyin'_

_-Liz Phair_

I wanted to disappear, I wanted to run and hide from the embarrassment I felt. But hiding wasn't going to help me. It angered me, they way I acted before. The way I just allowed myself to lower my morals. Why hadn't I seen this coming?

_He _is _Nathan_.

The guy I had become so infatuated with in just a short matter of time turns out to be my best friends foe. The guy Lucas constantly complains about and criticizes. The more I remember those long endless nights with Lucas, it tends to make more sense. He was the new lifeguard in town; how could I be that ignorant?

I know that I lashed out when Nathan denied an 'us', but I don't have a reason to be upset. He's right. There is _no_ us. We barely spoke when we came in contact with each other. So why am I so defensive? Why did I throw in his face that I have a date tonight? It wouldn't matter to him because we don't exist within each other.

Maybe I'm just scared. The thought of acting like a total tramp is finally getting to me. So I made out with the hot new lifeguard who turned out to be _the_ Nathan. And I ran when I found out. I ran like a scared puppy with no self-control or poise. And it bugs me that I scampered away so quickly. But I couldn't help myself. I was afraid of Lucas finding out, showing up at that moment.

And then I realize that I've built my life around Lucas and his feelings, and what he wanted or needed. I realized that not once was it ever about me and my life. That it was all a bout him, and that I was a slave to him and the society that my parents pushed me into.

I sigh; why was my life so damn complicated? Why can't it just be filled with rainbows and butterflies? Finally, the coldness of the water gets to me and I reach for the towel placed near me. I dry my face of the water I so quickly splashed on.

I hate to admit it, but I know what I must do; it's time for me to tell Lucas _everything, _before Nathan does. I know Luke's gone, but I didn't get the chance to talk to Nathan because of the action many people refer to as 'running'. I roll my eyes at the thought of how cocky that son of a bitch is going to be to me. But how can I blame him; it is after all, my fault.

Damn. Why does he have to be so cute?

I start my journey back to the Scott House; one of the fastest walks because it is in fact, only a few houses down the damn street.

I knock again, like a complete idiot.

"Uh hey," I slur out a bit. I want to slap him for the pathetic laugh he gives me. I am about to open my mouth to make a sarcastic comment, but I don't get the chance to.

"Look, I won't tell Lucas. Your secret is safe with me," He's tries to shut the door on me, but I put my hand up to stop him.

Now's my chance.

"I had no idea that you were thee Nathan. What I did was something stupid...and…" Way to go Haley. This is not what I wanted to say. I shake my head. He waits for me to continue and I try again, "I never meant…I didn't want…" Damn. Why was this so hard?

He laughs at me.

"Don't make this a big deal, I'm not. So you shouldn't either," He says this in a nice way, as if he were talking to a child. And boy do I despise that. "Besides, it's not like anything happened anyway." This was true, a kiss here, kiss there. It shouldn't hurt.

"So get over it,"

Why he thought he could say that and then slam the door in my face and get away with it was beyond me. But I wasn't going to push it. I had to face it really. He was right. And this is what I wanted. Away from the me.

I stay in my room for the rest of the night waiting for the tapping sound of a rock to hit my window. A sound that I grew so accustomed to over the years of my perfect life. I think nonstop of what Lucas were to say if he ever found out. I know he would care. I'm sure he would scream his lungs out if he had to get his point across. What was I thinking, really?

It's only a matter of time before I confess.

Suddenly it hits me that yet again my stomach is churning because of how I feel, because of how I'm afraid of disappointing Lucas.

I guess it takes more than one night of being wild to make me stop caring.


	9. Being Wrong Feels So Right

Chapter Nine: Being Wrong Just Feels So Right

Being Wrong Never Felt So Right  
What do I have to do to get through all of this  
I'm writing it down  
Just leave me here and  
Tell me to my face  
-New Found Glory

How perfect. She's one of those. What was I thinking; I should have known it wouldn't have ended well. She was Lucas' best friend. Obviously she was going to be like him.

Perfectly irritating. Oh well, right?

It's strange though, because, for the first time I thought it could be different. Well, to hell with those thoughts.

I find myself reading a Sports Illustrated Magazine, not caring about the previous engagements, when I hear Lucas voice.

"Nathan!" For a second I think I'm worried. But I know that I'm just kidding myself. Why should I be worried? I look up from my magazine to see Lucas' face. I could tell he was not amused. "Sometimes I wish you would clean up after yourself!" He groans and then walks back out.

For a moment my whole body froze. I was scared. Freaky.

So my mind keeps thinking about her. Her features, her curves, her feistiness. I hate to admit it, but she isn't half bad. Okay so that's not the whole truth. The truth is, she's perfectly amazing. Something I never thought I could feel about a girl. 

So I take back everything I said earlier. She's what I want. 

But of course it's just my luck. Lucas has to stand in the way. If only she could get over Lucas. But wait, does she like him? This question ponders me for a while as I see Lucas pacing back and forth in front of my halfway open door.

It starts to worry me a little bit, so I speak out, "Uh, Lucas?" I question causing him to stop. "Is everything…well you know…alright?" It feels odd; me asking how Lucas is doing as if I actually care. Since I've been here, I've tried to avoid him as much as I could. Sometimes, he really got on my nerves. Just like he does now, "You've been pacing in front of my room for a while now." He stares at me blankly.

I half expected him to come in and share his thoughts with me. Actually, I was totally convinced that he would do just that until he shook his head and walked the opposite way. It was days like these that I'm glad we never grew up together. He would have been such a pain to talk to.

I guess Haley would know.

Haley. What a beautiful name.

It still irks me that she made such a fuss over Lucas. Who the hell cares about him? I know she's suffocating, I can see it in her eyes. But there's only so much I can do. Why do I have to be so arrogant? I made her run away.

For some reason, I need to know where Haley is. I can't stand not seeing her. And it's strange because we only met a few days ago. How could this happen to me? I get up from my bed to find Lucas.

I find Lucas in his own room, staring at a picture that I can't quite make out who it is. I stand in the doorway, waiting for him to turn around. But he doesn't. He just sits there. I realize that he knows I'm here.

"Get the hell out of my room," he said.

I take that he really isn't in the mood to talk to me. Which, frankly, I don't give a damn. But for some reason, something feels odd about his presence. I don't move which vexes him. He gets up and grips the door handle.

"Hey dickhead I thought I told you to leave." He's so serious, and for a moment I'm a little intimidated. I don't make a move to say or do anything, and he takes this as an opportunity to slam the door in my face.

I get the feeling that he knows. I knock on the door just hoping that maybe he doesn't, that he's just pissed about something else. "Lucas?" I don't hear him reply. I figure he's just trying to drop the subject. In a way I'm glad.

I look down at my watch and it tells me that its time for my shift. Lifeguard duties.

I guess I must put Lucas and Haley in the back of my mind. For now.


	10. From Now On I Make My Own Decisions

Chapter Ten: From Now On, I Make My Own Decisions

Why Cant I Live My Life  
Without All The Things That People Say  
Everybody's Talking All This Stuff About me  
Why Don't They Just Let Me Live  
-Britney Spears

I open my eyes to see the blackness fade. The light from the sun shines through my open window. I blink my eyes a few times to moisten them, and then I suddenly remember the events from last night.

I groan.

I don't remember how it started; I don't remember why I even began to explain. But I did. I opened up to him last night; I spilled everything.

And he reacted just as I had expected.

It was 12:49 when I heard the rocks at my window. I sighed as I walked over to open it wide. I tried to not be hurt or upset about what previously happened when I found out about Nathan. But just like always, Lucas saw through my fake attitude.

"Hales," He said softly, "What's wrong?" He sat on the foot of my bed, as I lay glancing up at the ceiling. I shook my head, "Haley Marie James," It was weird.

An icy silence filled the room when he said my full name. He never called me by my full name before and it scared me in such a way that I actually believed that I stopped breathing. I sat up and look at him square in the eye. I wanted to say something, but nothing would escape my lips. I could tell that Lucas was getting impatient.

"I am so sick and tired of accepting your lies, Haley. " He told me with irritation in every word. "I can't take it any more." For a second I believed that he was truly worried about me and that his attitude would change from irritated to understanding. "And I don't think you can handle it either." 

I sighed, I knew it was time to tell him the truth; apparently he had known I was lying all along. There's no escaping the inevitable.

"Fine Haley, if you are going to act like a five year old, then ignore me." I turned my head to face his direction. I was about to fight back when he interrupted me, " Oh god," He pauses a minute thinking he figured out what the problem was, "this is about Brooke isn't it?"

I groaned, officially pissed off. How dare he accuse me of that nonsense? "Fine Lucas, do you want to know what has been going on in my messed up brain these past few weeks!" I stared at him in the face as he nods. "Fine!" I got up from my bed and I paced throughout my room. "I can't believe that you thought this was about Brooke, first of all I couldn't care less about her-" 

"Just get to the damn point Haley," Lucas blurted at me, "Stop stalling," I hated that Lucas knew everything. I just about exploded.

"I'm suffocating!" I yelled, "I am so sick and so tired of being under your shadow Lucas. I hate the fact that people think I would be nothing without you. I want to be able to make my own decisions without the rest of the town judging me, especially you! I hate that people think my life is so perfect. And I hate more than ever, that you know every little damn detail about me." For a moment after that, I was calm. And so was he.

But I knew it wouldn't last.

"I never thought you could hate me so much," He sat up and walked towards the window. That was not fair, not to me. I was not going to let him be in charge this time.

"Fine Lucas, act like a five year old about this." I was beyond mad. He stopped for a second, then retreated back to me.

"What am I supposed to think when my best friend tells me she hates me?" He shakes his head, "God Haley, I thought we had this bond that no one else had." I sighed.

"Lucas, I don't hate you and it's not about me hating our friendship. It's about me wanting to be free. " He interrupts me like a boy would do.

"Free from what Haley?" He grabbed my teddy bear and began to squeeze, showing his full emotion.

"I want to be free from everyone's expectations, from being predictable, from being 'Lucas' Lapdog'. How do you think that makes me feel?" I paused because I knew what I was about to say was going to ruin 16 years of friendship. "I'm sorry Lucas, but I want to be free from you and everyone else in this town."

He closed his eyes for a brief moment and then he had thrown my teddy across the room. He walked without a word. I knew that this wasn't it; he still needed to know more.

"Wait. There's more." He turned around with a glare. "I kissed Nathan."

I wish I could turn back time and take back what I said last night. What made me think it was a good idea is truly a mystery. It's only a matter of time until it blows up in my face again.

The truth is I don't want to be free from Lucas. I just want space. But that's me, Haley James. I suck at confrontation. That's why I am so skilled at avoidance. Now, that'll be my specialty. Hide. From Lucas, Nathan. From everybody.

I know that I must go talk to Nathan before Luke kills him. It's not until my mother knocks on the door, do I feel exhausted. 

"Morning Sweetheart." I peek my eyes open to see her smiling through the slightly creaked door. But the smile quickly fades, "Haley! Did you forget already? We are supposed to be at the Club in less than an hour. Get up." She closes the door while I throw my pillow over my head. Sometimes I hate her.

I walk down the stairs to see my mother drinking coffee and reading the paper. She doesn't even glance as I enter the room. "I'm not going." That was all. I retreat back to my room.

"Haley, I'm exhausted." Join the club; I wanted to tell her. "Please don't make me the bad guy here," She pleaded. But it's too late, she already is.


	11. Its All Downhill From Here

Chapter Eleven: It's All Downhill From Here.

You're hiding something 'cause it's  
Burning through your eyes  
You Contradict the fact that you still want me around  
Once Again we are playing off emotion  
Which of us will burn until the end  
- New Found Glory

The club is still. It's a bright, hot summer morning and not a single member, except the hired help of course, is outside because of the bathwater some people refer to as a pool. I want to die in this heat. Can't people tell I'm suffering out here? I shake my head. I hate my life.

Okay so I'm being a little sensitive. My life isn't so bad. Haley still remains close by, and well Lucas is avoiding me, more than usual. Not like I was asking him for some quality brother time. He's been moody all morning and it's annoying me more than I can handle. What's his problem?

Suddenly something catches my eye. I look over to see a woman and her daughter walking into one of the wings of the club. It hits me that it's the one and only, Haley.

Time passes and the pool area is still completely empty. I'm ready to take my break when I look up to see Haley walking towards me. I tried to hide my smirk. When I look at her again, I can tell she is in trouble, more so than usual.

"Haley?" I question. She looks up at me, completely not amused. I realize that the last time we saw each other was when I slammed the door in her face. I don't think I'm her favorite person right now. But if that really were the case, why would she be out here.

"Hi," She breathed. I could tell she really didn't want to talk, but that wasn't going to stop me from asking.

"Care to tell me what that was back there?" She shakes her head no, but starts talking about it despite her own answer.

"My parents, I just wish that they would let me live my own life." I nod, completely understanding. I watch as she walks around the pool. She's silent for a moment before opening her mouth again, "So, have you seen Lucas lately?"

I roll my eyes with the shake of my head. That's all she cares about, is hurting poor Lukey's feelings. She's so worried about what he will say and think of her. It's completely stupid. If she doesn't want her parents treating her like a child, then she needs to grow up and step out from under Lucas' shadow.

"Trust me, I haven't said a word." She nods, but something tells me she's keeping something really important from me. I get this weird feeling that something's up. "Is something wrong?"

She glances up real quick and smiles," No, I just, need to speak to him that's all," I can tell she's lying to me.

"Haley, " I stop her from walking, my hand is holding her wrist. She looks at me. "I'm sorry about yesterday," The truth is, that I really am. My pride took the best of me, and I feel like a complete idiot. "I uh," I pause.

"I hurt your ego?" She asks turning her body fully around. I shrug. That was the plain truth. "Listen, Nathan. This wasn't meant to be more. You knew that right?" I'm lost.

"Then why did you tell me your name? Why are you here now talking to me?" I can tell I confused her. She stood, and shrugs. "Haley, I'm not saying there is anything going on here. I just, I think that there's something amazing about you-"

She glares at me, "What makes you think that? You don't even know me." She shakes her head and escapes my grasp. I can tell she's frustrated. "Stop trying to tell me who I am. I get that from everybody else, I don't need it from the new guy."

She begins to walk away with speed, but I'm not about to let her go. I grab her shoulder and whirl her around to face me. "I know people like you Haley. I understand what you are going through," I can tell she doesn't believe me.

"How can you possibly understand, you don't have a care in the world." I can tell she just wants to leave, but I'm not giving her the satisfaction.

"Listen to me, Haley," I whisper in her ear gently, "I'm not Lucas." Doesn't she get that? I'm not going to react like him, I'm not going to jump to conclusions and judge her. I'm not going to care about myself all the time. I wish she would open her eyes, and just try to get to know me more.

"Thank god," She whispers back. For a moment I thought I finally got through to her. This time I let her go, I let her run away from her fears and me. But next time, I wont.

But she stops suddenly in her tracks and yells back at me, "By the way Nate, Lucas knows." My heart stops while my stomach does summersaults. That would explain this morning. But if he knew, then why didn't he try to beat the hell out of me like he threatened? I look up at Haley to see that she's nowhere to be found.

All I know now is that it's all downhill from here.


	12. Everything Is Alright

**Chapter Twelve: Everything's Fine:**

_Tell me that you're all right_

_Yeah, everything is all right_

_I'm sick of the things I do when I'm nervous_

_Head for the hills_

_Please tell me that you're all right_

_Yeah, everything is all right._

-Motion City Soundtrack

I know I was way harsh on Nathan. I couldn't help it, I was angry with my mother. I'm always angry with her. I just felt like she never wants to hear me out. She never wants to hear about how I feel. It's all about her life, her reputation.

I know that was probably the worst possible way to tell Nathan that Lucas knows. But he was really irking me. He acted as if he knew me. But he doesn't. Nobody really does.

I've come to realize, that life is just a bunch of fake peoplewith their lies. My parents, my, well if I can even really call them friends, have affected me in such a way that I actually feel ashamed. I wanted to believe that I was different, better. But who was I kidding? I'm just like them.

I'm not who I want to be; I hid from everyone. I lied to Lucas. Maybe I'm just feeling guilty. I hurt Lucas in a way I always promised him and myself that I would never do. The truth is, it wasn't him I wanted to run from. He was actually the only person I know who would support me. I was just afraid that he would change his mind.

But it's her. It's always been about her.

My mother.

I want to forget about everything for a day, let things just happen. I decide to do just that. I'm not going to worry.

I walk downstairs, avoiding my mother for the millionth time this week. She can live her bubble life for all I care. After this year, I'm out of here.

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. My heart races and I hope its Lucas returning my persistent phone calls. Like I have been avoiding my mother, he's been avoiding me, and it's killing me. I was being stupid and selfish and it wasn't ever really about him. It's about _her_ and _them_.

I open the door, but my heart slumps when it is revealed that it's not Lucas.

"Taylor?" I'm completely shocked. I would have never expected Taylor to come back. "What are you doing here?" I question her, my face still scrunched with confusion. She smiles at me.

"Love you too little sis." She pushes her way past the door and me. I feel bad for not welcoming her. Taylor and I were always close when we were younger. She throws her bags down next to the sofa.

"I'm sorry Tay. I missed you," I walk over to her and we hug. It's true, I' really do miss her. She was the only person that made me sane while living here. Once she left for college, I knew that home would never be the same.

"Hales. I've really missed you too." She half smiles, and I know that she's been through a lot. She steps back and plays with my hair. "You changed you're hair. I thought you sore to me that you would never dye it blond like mine." She laughs at me when I throw my head back. "I knew you loved it!"

"Well I'm dying it back tomorrow." I smile sarcastically at her as she rolls her eyes. It feels nice to have her here. For this moment, my anger with my mother and my pathetic life fades away in the background. I love having Tay with me. She is such a breath of fresh air.

She ruffles my hair and begins to walk over to the kitchen, grabbing food. I follow her, because I have major questions to ask.

"So what brings you back Tay?" She doesn't turn to look at me and just continues to dig for food as she answers my question.

"Oh, it got hectic at work, as usual, I wanted to take some time off and just figured, why the hell not? So here I am." For some reason, I find that hard to believe, but I let it go for now. "Dad still gone?"

I have to complain to her about this. "Yep, he's not even sure when he's coming back." She knows how I feel.

"Haley, Mom is not that bad." She finally stops with her food and stares at me. I want her to be in my shoes for once. She was always mom's favorite. "Besides, I thought that's what Luke was for. Your escapee' or whatever you call him these days." She says and continues to make a sandwich.

I sigh, I'd rather not hash into the whole deal with Lucas; it'll just make me cry. I shake my head. "Aw, you two fighting?" She pours herself orange juice. "What did he do this time?" She says, as if nothing has really changed between us.

"I don't know Tay." I'm slightly curt, which makes me tense up. I don't want to say anything else and she knows it.

I suddenly realize that she walks toward our liquor cabinet.

"What are you doing?" I ask her, a little miffed at her for heading towards the alcohol. She smiles back at me and laughs.

"You seem like you need it." I sarcastically glare at her. "Haley, relax." She's different. And I don't like it.

"Taylor, what's really going on with you?" I callously question her. This is not like Taylor; she always preached to me that liquor was the devil. I can tell she's defensive.

"What's going on with you and Lucas?" She spits out at me. She opens the cabinet and pours some form of liquor in her orange juice. Disgusting. "Haley, when are you going to grow up?"

"You can't be in here for more than five minutes without insulting me, can you?" I'm frustrated with her, and I know that this isn't the same Taylor. I don't know how to react. She guzzles down her drink.

"You think you've had it rough? Please." She slams down the glass and grabs her bags and practically jogs upstairs. It is the weirdest thing that's ever happened with her and I'm a little concerned.

After a while I started to really think about what Tay had said to me. Maybe her first year away at college wasn't what she expected, and maybe I was being way to defensive with her. Whatever her deal is, I wouldn't be able to talk to her about it now; I can hear the shower running.

I walk back into my room and I spot the photo of Luke and me together and it's enough to break me. I run over to the bathroom to tell Tay that I'm going to see Lucas and that I don't know when I'll be back.

I rush down the stairs and out of the house.

I run over to Luke's house, panting when I finally ring the doorbell. But no one opens the door. I know he's home. His car is in the driveway.

"Luke!" I shout, "Please talk to me." I know I hurt him really badly, but I hoped he would at least hear me out. I keep knocking on the door until he finally comes out.

He closes the door just as quickly has he opens it. I stop the door just in time though.

"Luke-" He cuts me off.

"Haley, you know that I hate this too. But you brought this on yourself. You acted just like everybody else and became exactly who you didn't want to become." My eyes race back and forth between his own.

"Lucas, I'm sorry. I didn't know that he was Nathan!" I yell out hoping he would instantly forgive me, even though I know that it wont be that easy.

"So that makes it okay then?" He says this, and I can feel his disappointment in me. "Haley, what happened to you?" I want him to hug me, because I know I'm about to cry.

"I just wanted to feel-" But I could say nothing. I don't know what to say to make him forgive me or even feel anything for me. He seethes when I say nothing and walks passed me, leaving the house. I want to burst into tears. I miss him. "Luke, please." I whisper while I run after him. "I miss you." I say tears already streaming down my cheeks. He stops and I hope that he will just look at me.

"Haley, " I look up at him when he stares at me. I try to smile, "when you figure out what it is that is really bothering you, come and talk to me." I choke on his words. He begins to walk away again. This time I yell at the top of my lungs.

"I'm confused Lucas!" I ran over to him again. "I'm scared. This is senior year and all I know is this sheltered life in Tree Hill. A life I've grown to regret." But he continues on walking down the street, out of earshot. As if on cue, Nathan drives up and notices that I'm standing there. He gets out of his car and walks over to me.

"Hey, are you alright?" He seems concerned for me, because my eyes are watery and I look highly upset.

"Yah, everything is alright," I lie to him but he stops me. "What!" I yell at him, hoping he would back off, but he doesn't, and continues to hold on.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I nod, a little uncomfortable. "Haley-" He pauses, "Come with me." He slides his hand from my arm down to my hand. And strangely, I follow with ease. We walk over to his car.

"Where are we going?" I ask slightly nervous, but he smiles. I don't know what this feeling is, but something inside me tells me to go with him to wherever he's going.

"Just, you'll see." We get into his car and he begins to drive. We're silent the whole way. I feel strange. I know I shouldn't be here with Nathan while Luke continues to hurt. Why did I even let myself enter the car, hold his hand. He's just so intriguing. It feels like forever until we approach wherever it is that he has taken me. "I found this place the other day."

It's not until now do I realize where we are. We are by the docks, and it's breathtaking.

"I was amazed too," He tells me as he parks the car. "I come here now, whenever things get confusing." We are both silent for a while, taking in the beautiful scenery. It has been so long since I came to the docks.

"Why did you bring me here?" I ask my eyes shifting towards his, my thoughts of Lucas slowly but surely disappearing. "I'm actually kind of surprised that you are even talking to me after how I treated you." I feel ashamed; I never wanted to become that girl. He laughs at me.

"Trust me, that's nothing compared to what I went through back home." He's calm, and he's sincere, and I'm completely intrigued. I like that he's confiding in me. "I brought you here, because, I know you Haley."

"Yah sure you do." I say sarcastically. My mind goes back to Lucas; I should have kept going after him. I shouldn't be here with Nathan at this incredibly romantic stop, at night, in his car, alone.

"I'm not judging you- I just feel, connected with you somehow." He looks me in the eye and I begin to melt like ice cream, falling for his line. But, how could I not? He looks down at my lips and I know what he's thinking. He looks so irresistible. He slowly leans towards me, his hand finds my cheek, and I give in.

I hate when I get nervous.


	13. So Are You To Me

Chapter 13: So Are You to Me 

"_As the ruby to the setting_

_As the fruit upon the tree_

As the wind blows over the plains 

_So are you to me_"

-_Eastmountainsouth_

I feel her tense as my lips gently grace hers. I don't know if she will pull away, but at the moment it doesn't feel that way. I don't know what causes me to react this way. There is just something about this girl that I can't shake. She's beautiful, smart, sarcastic. She's real.

And a good kisser.

I'm a little surprised because she's no longer tense. Her hand has found the back of my neck. I can feel my breathing getting heavier and I can't seem to slow down. My lips caress hers with so much heat, so much determination. I can't stop. My hand laces through her soft, delicate hair, gently forcing her body closer to me. I want to do more to her. If it weren't for these damn gears that lay between us, I would find a way to. What is it about this girl that I can't force myself to stop?

Suddenly, her lips escape mine and I can hear her breathing heavily. I open my eyes to see hers still shut. I want to know what she's thinking. I don't know whether to say something or to keep the silence. For some reason I'm nervous as hell.

Her eyes slowly flutter open and I constantly watch her. She stares at me for a moment, pondering what to say. I speak up, hoping to ease her nerves.

"I'm sorry," Why the hell did I just say that? What am I sorry for? The truth is I'm not sorry at all. I've been wanting to ever since my lips last touched hers. My words seemed to confuse her. Her eyebrows scrunch.

"Me too." She says slowly, but confident in her meaning. My poor ego. That really stung. I was hoping for anything other than that. She closes her eyes again and leans toward her seat. I don't know what to say and it frustrates me that Haley can have this hold over me.

I try to think of something fast because this silence is killing me.

"Maybe I should take you back," I figure that she'll probably want to go find Lucas. I'm sure he is still angry. I've successfully avoided him these past two days. But it surprises me when Haley looks over at me with a sense of hurt in her eyes, and replies.

"No." I'm relieved to hear her say that. I try not to smile but I want to so bad. Instead I look into her glassy brown eyes and listen to her. "Anywhere is better than back there." She sighs and turns away from me.

I don't want to remain in the car so I open my door and head out to sit by the docks, hoping she'll follow. It's not long before I hear the door of the car open and close. The wind blows softly and I can feel her presence behind me.

"Why do you let them get the best of you?" I finally ask when she sits next to me. She just simply shrugs. It surprises me that she's so quiet. As wind blows her hair in her face, I find myself placing the strand of hair behind her ear. Her face softens as she looks back at me.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" It's weird, because I'm usually not the sensitive guy. I'm usually the bad ass who gets everyone into trouble. I'm never the romantic guy, but tonight I find myself becoming just that.

It suddenly hits me.

"You remind me of someone I know very well." She reminds me of _me_. Back at home, I wanted so much to break free my pathetic excuse for a family. I was so confused and frustrated and all I wanted was an escape from the whispers of other people. For the longest time, I thought that I was alone and always would be.

Until now.

I look over at Haley again, this time her head is down and she's in deep thought. I wait patiently until she finds the courage to look up at me again.

"I hate them." She said softly, pain evident in her voice. I'm a little confused at her confession but then it dawns on me that I know exactly who she's talking about. I've been there. She continues, "I feel-" She pauses, trying to find the correct words.

"Suffocated?" I ask leaning my head slightly and raising both my eyebrows. When she exhales she seems much more comfortable. She nods.

"Yeah," she says, buoyancy slowly shining through. "You ever feel that way?" This in no way is a hard question for me to answer.

"All the time." I can feel her trust in me grow. She no longer seems distant and scared. She seems to be at ease with my words. "Did Lucas ever tell you the reason why I was sent back here?" I ask her, myself feeling more secure with her.

"Just that you got in some kind of trouble." Of course Luke didn't explain the whole story. He didn't even really know. Somehow, I feel entirely comfortable with telling her about my past. And I do, I tell her about my parents and how I dealt with it, and the real reason I ended up here. And as I told her, I could tell she was really listening. She really cares.

We ended up talking the entire night, sharing secrets and personal feelings. It was the first time I've ever done anything like that. I drove her home and she kissed me before I could say goodbye. Now, here I am in my room finally aware that I'm more than attracted to Haley; I care about her.


	14. When The World Gets In The Way

**Chapter 14: When The World Gets In Your Way**

"_The least they ever gave you_

_Was the most you ever knew_

_And I wonder where these dreams go_

_When the world gets in your way_

_What's the point of screaming?_

No one's listening anyway" 

_-Goo Goo Dolls_

The minute I walked away from him, I knew that we'd be seeing more of each other. He kissed me again, but unlike before his kiss was gentle, more affectionate. It was as if we connected on some other level. It was quite liberating.

When I reach my front door, I turn around to watch him drive off. He smiles at me before leaving. This was a weird night, and somehow I find myself trusting Nathan more than I ever believed I would. How could Luke think he was so horrible?

I turn to walk inside. I'm suddenly shocked by a voice that could only belong to my older sister. "Well that wasn't Lucas." She says mischievously. I roll my eyes at her. I don't stop to talk, instead I continue to head upstairs to my room.

However, that will not stop Taylor.

"Who was that hot guy?" She follows me up the stairs. This comment makes me smile for some reason. I turn around to face Tay once I reach the top of the stairs. At first I have nothing to say. She impatiently waits for my answer.

"A friend." I say simply. In the past few hours, Nathan had somehow become my friend. My close friend. But it's something different than what I share with Luke. With Luke, it's plutonic; he doesn't make me nervous. He doesn't make my toes curl. He doesn't make me want to kiss him endlessly until we lose ourselves in each other. It's Nathan that makes me feel this way.

"So does that mean he's fair game?" Tay's voice snaps me back to reality, leaving me from my thoughts of kissing Nathan. I think for a moment about what Tay said. The truth is that he is fair game, but for some reason I don't want him to be. It angers me a little that she even asked.

"Seriously Taylor, when are you going to start chasing after guys your own age?" I don't mean for to come out bitter, but it does anyway. She looks at me with a sense of irritation. She folds her arms in front of her chest.

"I thought you knew me better that than, Haley. Besides, you said he was just a friend." She says innocently. I figure she knows I'm frustrated. I'm sick of talking to her, so I decide to head into my room.

It does me no good because she just follows me with ease. She sits down on my bed and doesn't wait until I turn around to face her. I begin to rummage through my clothes, hoping to find something decent to wear to bed.

"What's the deal with this guy?" I don't know how much I want to tell her about him. A part of me wants to keep him to myself. If that's even possible. I don't want to share what I think I have with him. But if I want Taylor to leave I need to tell her something. I stop digging in my drawer and spin around to face her.

"Taylor, he's just a friend. He just moved here. There's nothing going on between us." She looks at me with accusing eyes. This angers me; I hate it when she pries. It's none of her business who Nathan is to me. Frankly, I don't even know what he really is to me. As she opens her mouth to say something sisterly like, I snap.

"Damn it Taylor, leave me alone. You are just like mom. Stay out of my business." Isay forcefully without yelling. I think she gets the hint but before she walks out she has to turn around to say something that irks me.

"I hope you don't talk to Lucas this way." I glare at her. I hate the way she defends Luke. She doesn't even know what I'm going through. She just pops in one day and starts questioning everything I do, calling me a child too. I start to remember how much like Mom she is, and it makes me bitter.

"Good night, Taylor," I say while closing the door in her face. I need to get out. I can't stand it here any longer. I decide to sneak out, hoping Taylor doesn't hear. I climb down the side of my house that has a type of ladder connect to the outside wall. I successfully escape without alerting hurricane Taylor.

I start walking but I'm not sure where I'm going. I can't go see Luke, and I can't go see Nathan. I look down at my watch to find out that the time is twelve past midnight. I continue walking until I realize where my feet have taken me. I look up at the beautiful building. The Country Club. It suddenly hits me that I need to swim. I need to feel the cold water against my skin. I need to escape everything that's been on my mind. The club is closed, but I know the code to get into the pools. I walk over to the edge of the pool, slip my shoes of and dip my feet in. It's not enough, so I take off my t-shirt and jeans, leaving myself in my under garments. I slowly slide myself in the pool, the coldness taking over me. I close my eyes and put my head under the water. It feels so good, so freeing.

I swim for a while, finally feeling relaxed and sane. I step out of the pool and walk over to the shelf of towels. For a moment, I think I hear someone behind me, but I shake it off, telling myself that no one but me would be out this late. I wrap the towel around me and the minute I turn around I jump from anxiety. There was someone behind me.

"Haley?" I'm surprised by who I see. "Late night swim?" I nod still shocked about who I see in front of me. It's silent a moment, neither one of us sure of what to say next. It is me who speaks up first.

"What are you doing here, Brooke?" I ask trying not to sound annoyed. She smiles and laughs a little.

"Me, just being forgetful. I left my cell phone here at the front desk. Then I heard someone out here and discovered you." I just nod; it's always weird trying to talk to Brooke. I never know what she really thinks of me. It's silent for a moment longer until she speaks up again. "I'm sorry about Lucas." This shocks me. Sorry about what? Does she know?

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask watching her as she walks over to one of the beach chairs. I follow and sit down next to her and wait for her to explain.

"For taking him away, I guess." I get what she means. This surprises me too. I never would have thought that she would be sorry for that. She doesn't really need to be. It's not like I've desperately wanted to hang out with him these days. I mean, other than the wanting him to forgive me part.

I sigh and shrug, "It's fine. Luke and I need some time apart anyway." I smile at her and bit and she looks at me, a little confused. "Don't worry about it." She nods but then starts talking about Luke.

"He's been acting weird lately," I wonder if she knows, "When I ask him about it, he just brushes me off." I guess that answers my wonderment. "Do you know what's going on with me?" She turns to face me. For a second I'm not sure what to say to her. But then that second passes and I find myself easily telling her about what happened between the two of us, shocking even myself.

I'm surprised how easily I told her. I would have thought that I wouldn't want her to know. But I told her, like she was a friend. This night was getting weirder by the moment. When I finish the story, she huffs.

"Does Luke think he owns you or something?" She asks, rhetorically. "So what if you kissed Nathan? You can kiss whoever the hell you want." For some reason her expressions make me laugh. She turns to look at me again and suddenly she laughs with me.

"It's ridiculous, I know," I say once my fit of laughter dies down. It's weird how I felt at ease with her. She seems genuine. We stay silent again, but this time it's not an awkward silence like it was before.

"So what are you doing out this late?" For some reason I want to tell her. I don't want to keep it bottled up anymore.

"Just trying to escape," I say quietly. Her face softens as if know exactly the way I feel just after hearing those four words. She starts explaining to me that she understands. "I'd rather have my parents throw cash at me and send me on my way." I tell her.

"I never thought that you and I would have so much in common." She smiles at me again, which turns out to be infectious and my lips began to curve. "I missed judged you, Haley." And I missed judged her too.

We talk for a while about Luke and Nathan, I leave out the part where I'm really attracted to him, but I think she already knows. She speaks up suddenly, with a bright idea.

"I know!" She claps her hands together. "Meet me tomorrow at eight. We will do some major damage." She has this mischievous look on her face and without knowing exactly what she has planned, I nod.

What have I gotten myself into?


	15. Breaking the Habit

Chapter 15: Breaking the Habit Inside I realize that I'm the one confused 

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean_

_So I'm breaking the habit tonight_

_-Linkin Park_

She takes my breath away.

I can't stop thinking about her. About her smile, her big brown eyes, her laugh. Her everything. I've gotten pretty pathetic. But I don't care. So what? She's hot. Last night, I couldn't sleep. A part of me knew that something was different, but just couldn't put my finger on it.

I'm glad that I haven't had to deal with Lucas yet. I heard him come in late last night, but I didn't want to say anything.

I feel like such a pussy. Am I actually afraid of Lucas? I shouldn't be. He's got nothing on me. I used to destroy guys like him, daily. Why am I hiding, it's not like Haley and I are an item. Yet.

I need to buck up and take it like a man. I know he's up; I can hear him watching TV in the living room. I'm surprised his parents don't' wake up from his noisiness. But then again, they are work-a-holics.

I get up from my bed and put on a t-shirt. I walk out to see Lucas sitting in front of the big screen. He looks rather pissed. I see the remote on the coffee table so I snatch it and press the power button. He looks over at me and, if possible, glares at me more. I stand still and act like a hard ass.

"We need to talk." Am I breaking up with him? How stupid was that? He stands up from the chair and walks closer to me. I still stand like he's has no affect on me.

"We don't have anything to talk about." He brushes passed me and pushes my shoulder with his. It angers me that he thinks he can get away with that. So I follow him into the kitchen and I don't let him leave.

"You're acting like a five year old, Lucas." My voice sounds deprecating. He huffs and tries to walk passed me again, but I just stand in the doorway. " Why is it such a bad thing that Haley and I kissed?" I ask him because I know that if I hadn't said something soon we would be doing this stupid little dance.

"Because." He states simply, but then he squints a little and says to me, " It's _you_." He acts disgusted by me. Well, that's just too bad; he needs to get over himself.

"Jealous?" I ask simply, my voice never changing. He huffs again and rolls his eyes at me. But I'm not letting it stop there. "Lucas, you need to grow up. So what if Haley wants to hang out with me. It's night like I'm fucking her-" He cuts me off.

"Well sooner or later, you're just going to screw her over. I know you, Nathan." But he doesn't. He's only heard stories from his parents. He doesn't know the first thing about me. There are a lot of things in my past I regret, but that doesn't mean I going around doing it all over again.

My voice gets a little stronger. "You don't know me, _Lucas_." I say trying to copy his annoying sarcasm. "You don't even know Haley. You ignore her and then expect her to be at your every beck and call? Do you even know what she's going through?" I can't help but sound harsh.

I shouldn't have kept going though, because this is when he punches me. It stings a little, but nothing compared to what I'm capable of. I look back over at him. He's seething. I think I finally have gotten to him. I don't punch him back, because I'm better than that. At least for now.

"You can't come here and take everything away from me." What did I take away? Haley left him on her own free will. "You haven't even thanked us for letting you stay here. You are so damn selfish-"

I cut him off because he's really starting to piss me off.

"Yeah, thanks for what, your kindness? What makes you think I want to thank you for being an asshole these past few days? Huh?" I'm ready to punch him because his stupid squinting thing is so damn annoying.

He tries to threaten me. "Whatever, Nate. What's done is done. I can't change the fact that you hooked up with Haley, but from now on stay away from her." Yeah, like that's going to happen. I glare at him for being such a pompous idiot. I'm about to say something more but then we hear a knock at his front door.

He walks over and reveals Brooke standing in the doorway. I can see his stance soften when he sees her smile up at him. I just stand and wait in the background. I'm nosy and want to know why she's here.

"Hey boys," She says very seductively. I smile over at her and watch as Lucas leans down to kiss her on the check. How sweet. "I was just wondering if you guys wanted to come to a party tonight. My friend Sheila throws the best parties, next to me of course." She raises her eyebrows playfully. "It's tonight. She lives over by the river courts. It's the only white house on the left. You won't miss it." She smiles over at me and looks me up and down. I realize that I'm only in a t-shirt and boxers. I'm hope, no I know that this makes irritates Lucas. "You should both come. It'll be fun."

By her body language I know that she's not lying.

I nod and leave them to- well do whatever it is that they do. I decide to go take a shower. Maybe this party won't be so bad. I'm off duty tonight, plus it'll give me a night to relax. I need to blow off some steam from this stupid Luke, Haley, Me triangle thing. Whatever the hell it is. This time, I'll try not to get into any trouble.

I smirk because I begin to think of all the _trouble_ I could get Haley and I into. I hope she goes; if she does, she can finally _escape _for real.


	16. I'm Beggin' You To Be My Escape

**Chapter 16: I'm Begging You To Be My Escape**

_Because I know to live you must give your life away  
And I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and  
I've been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key  
And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me_

_-Relient K_

What in the world am I wearing?

Brooke has the wackiest clothes I've ever seen, especially on me. She can pull this off way better than I can, although, that red dress is stunning on me. Well according to Brooke.

"Isn't this too dressy?" I ask Brooke as she walks back into her closet searching for more and more clothes. I wait for her answer and look back at myself in three long length mirrors. I can see myself from every angle.

"Maybe, you're right. Let me find you something else," She is concentrating so hard. It makes me want to laugh, but I hold it back because she looks so serious. She digs until she finds a ripped jean skirt and a black lacey top. I think it looks cute, but a little to daring for me.

"Hey!" I say when I notice what she picks out for herself. "Why do you get jean pants and I get the skirt!" I smile at her feigning annoyance. She shrugs her shoulders as if she doesn't know, but the look on her face tells me that she's up to something. "Just try it on. I'm going to pick out some pumps." She walks to the other side of her room. She has a closet just for shoes. I thought I was rich.

While she digs for shoes I quickly change. I don't look to bad; in fact I think I look quite stunning. Oh no, I'm starting to use Brooke's words. I strut in front of the mirrors for a second, being silly and checking myself out.

"You look hot, don't worry." I hear Brooke say as she laughs when she catches me being foolish in front of her mirrors. I start laughing too. What? It's contagious. She hands me these shiny black pumps. "Here, these will work for you." I bit my lip. I'm a little embarrassed but I tell her anyway.

"I'm not that great in pumps, I usually find myself tripping and…can't I just wear flip flops?" I ask smiling, hoping that she'll say 'sure it looks trendy'. I have a feeling that she wont let me do that though. She frowns at me.

"No Haley. Flips flops just won't do. Those pumps will be perfect." She smiles again and I fake pout and whine a little. She closes her eyes and shakes her head no still.

"But I trip in things!" I say, trying to get my point across that I will embarrass myself at the party if I wear those things. But she doesn't back down and instead she says something that makes me wonder.

"Like I said, perfect." She winks at me and walks into her closet to pick out her shirt and quickly changes into her swanky outfit. I seriously think she's up to something. I know she's sneaky.

We arrive to Sheila's house fashionably late. The music is blasting and you can see people everywhere. I get a little bit nervous and start to regret coming here. We walk inside and she takes my hand and drags me over to the keg. I keep getting stares from people, especially guys. Hot guys. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all. We walk passed the cute ones and she hands me a drink.

"Here, you'll want this later." I pause for a moment, thinking about taking it. I'm not a drinker; in fact I hate the taste of alcohol. But part of me feels like I should. I don't have to drink it but, why not? It's only one cup. How much harm can it do?

I take the cup from her and take a tiny sip. It tastes disgusting but I smile anyway. She smiles back at me and then turns away and begins to walk away again. I follow her into the living room where people are dancing and making out on the couch. As I look around I feel a little apprehensive. I've never been to a party like this before. But, those feelings disappear when I hear Brooke's high pitched voice.

"Hey! You look, almost as hot as me." He giggles and I turn to look over at whom she's talking with. My hurt slumps when I see Luke smile down at her, not even noticing I'm right there. I know that it wont last long, he's going to see me sooner or later. So I wait there, and take a sip of my drink. I try to get it down without gagging.

"Brooke, you look…sexy," He smirks as he whispers the word 'sexy'. I want to throw up. She giggles again and he leans down to kiss her, but she turns slightly away and looks at me. He stumbles and then realizes I'm right here.

"Doesn't she look amazing too?" I can tell she's trying to be genuine. I'm grateful but I know that it's not going to work with Luke. He's just going to get defensive and moody. He squints at me and flares his nose.

"Haley? What the hell are you doing?" He scolds me, but I just roll my eyes at him. I'm so sick of him judging me. I didn't realize before that he is indeed part of the problem. He always put me on a higher standard than most people. He thinks that I should rise above it all. But right now I'm not feeling so almighty. The look he gives me makes me want to throw the stupid drink in his face, but I refrain.

"I'm trying to have fun." I say forcefully, letting him know to back off. But he doesn't. He continues to give me that look and tell me how irrational I'm being. He angers me more and more by the minute.

Brooke cuts in, noticing how rude he is being and how mad I'm getting. "Luke, knock it off. Leave her alone. She's just having fun." I'm appreciative that she tries to defend me, but I need to stand up for myself. I guzzle down the rest of the drink and throw the cup at Luke's chest.

"You're drinking too?" He asks when he catches the cup. I turn around to walk away from him; he's beginning to make a scene. I don't want everyone watching so I hope he will let it go. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He questions me, but I don't respond to him. Instead I walk back into the room where we got the drinks but before I leave the room completely I can hear Brooke's voice.

"What is wrong with _you?_ You're being a total jerk." I smile a little, because it's weird that Brooke is now on my side defending me. It's weird, because I know we are starting to become good friends. And because, I would have never realized how cool she was if Luke hadn't been a total ass. It's funny, the moment Luke and I stop talking is the moment I meet the two most interesting people.

"Nathan?" I question a little to excitedly when I see him getting himself a drink. He turns to me, and smirks when he sees me. He seems pleased that I'm here. He looks me up and down real fast, trying not to look too obvious as he sips his drink.

"Hey," He says, and his voice makes me melt. "You look good." I want to tell him he looks incredible. But that sounds cheesy so instead I blush and little and say thanks. "Did you want a drink?" I look up and nod giving him the okay. He quickly gets me one and when he hands it to me his skin touches mine. I feel a spark of excitement within me. I smile and thank him again.

It frustrates me a little, because I don't know what we are. We've kissed more than once and we've shared some pretty intimate stuff, but I still get all nervous around him. I wonder if he regrets telling me anything. I know I don't. Not one thing. We both take a sip in that awkward silence. He finally breaks the awkwardness.

"Did you want to talk or something?" Or something. I refrain from smirking. I nod and together we look for an empty room. It feels a little weird at first but then I become comfortable in his presence. We finally find an empty room, and unsurprisingly, it contains a bed. I bit my lip again and he laughs at little.

"This is kind of weird, huh?" I smile down at me feet for a moment before I look up at his eyes.

"Only a little." He nods his head over to the bed and we sit down together. It becomes awkward again. It bugs me because I just want to know what he's thinking right now and I'm sure he feels the same way. He finally musters up the courage to say something.

"Haley, about last night-" Before he can go on the door swings open shocking both of us. I shake my head when I see Lucas standing there. "What do you want, man?" I hear Nathan say, annoyed.

"I thought I told you to stay away from her." He growls at him. My eyes glare at him because I'm completely pissed off that he would even dare to tell Nathan to stay away from me. He has no right to control who I hang out with. Before I can yell at him Nathan speaks up.

"You thought wrong." He says sarcastically. I can tell Lucas is about to start another big argument, but I don't want to hear it. I'm so sick of him treating me like a child. I'm going to be a senior for crying out loud. I'm only a few months younger than him. He's such a hypocrite.

"Leave me alone!" I finally scream out. I stand up and walk passed the both of them and take off back to get myself another drink, but before I excite Lucas says something quite painful.

"You look like a slut Haley." I can't believe he said that. I want to slap him so hard but before I get the chance to, Nathan throws in a punch.

I'm done.

I let Nathan deal with him and get myself a few more drinks. It's not long until Nathan comes after me, asking me if I'm okay and how Luke is an asshole. Things start to become really fuzzy, my mind a little impaired.

"Let's just forget it." I say taking his hand. Something inside me feels brave enough to lead him back to the room with the bed. We practically run until we reach the room and I shut the door behind him. He looks at me, and for a moment I believe he's hesitant about this. But a part of me wants to just give in to my temptations. I lock the door.

I give in.

I walk back over to him, and like an idiot, I trip. But I fall right on top of him. I look deeply into his eyes and I know that he feels the same way I do. Now I know what Brooke meant by perfect. I can't help how I feel. I know I'm not the only one who leans in.

Our kissing starts off slow and sensual, but then it becomes not enough for me. We lean back on the bed, my body lying on top of his, my lips crushing his. I can feel his hands sliding up my legs. I quickly kick off my shoes and move farther up on him. His hands slide under my skirt and find my Victoria's Secret panties. My breathing becomes heavier making my hair fall down near our faces. He removes his hand to tuck my hair behind my ear. His soft touch is not enough. I need him to be rough. I place my hands on the sides of his body. I find the bottom of his shirt and gently rub my fingers on his skin. This must tickle him or turn him on because his breathing gets as fast as mine and his movements increase rapidly. He hands crawl up my back, under my shirt lacey shirt up to my bra. He pauses for a moment as if wondering if this was right. But the moment passes and I can feel my breasts become loose. I can start to feel heat now, and I move my lips to his neck getting carried away. He must feel it too because he easily picks me up and turns us so now I'm under him.

He looks down at me for a moment and I know that this is the last moment I have to snap back to reality and push him off me and tell him that I can't go through with it. But I do nothing; I don't want to leave his body.

This is the moment of truth. No turning back now.


	17. I'm A Fool

Chapter 17: I'm a Fool 

_I've been waiting for a girl like you _

_Don't wanna make you hurt don't wanna make you feel_

_Like the world aint on your side_

_No I cant fight I cant sleep at night_

Just thinking about you girl 

_I'm a fool for you. _

–_American Hi-Fi_

She's beautiful.

For a moment I notice that I've stopped breathing.

I can feel her body underneath mine, breathing deeply. I look down to see Haley's amazing emerald eyes peering back at me, and I can't help but think how beautiful she is. I gaze down at her and examine the details of her face, of her cute little nose, of her amazingly perfect jaw line, and of her cute forehead that so happens to be wrinkled in confusion. Her eager eyes stare straight into mine, and wait to proceed.

I can tell she's scared because I have extended this pause longer than I'm sure she would have liked, yet she doesn't try to push me away. We stare at each other for a long time until she finally gives in and closes her eyes, leaving me more confused than ever. She suddenly gets the strength and courage to lift her head and meet my lips forcefully with her own. I can't help but give in too, for a moment. Her kiss is just so seductive, and I can feel my body loosen and lean gently down on top of her. We continue kissing like this for a while, both savoring the moment as if it was our first and last time.

I can't help but feel so intrigued. I can't help but give in to my urges and continue to kiss her zealously. However, I don't believe that kissing is enough for her. I feel her hands slide down my side and grab a hold of my shirt. The next thing I know, my shirt is thrown across the room and I'm left with my chest exposed. I notice her eyes close as she reaches around my neck and pulls me closer to her again, and her actions begin to advance wildly and I can't help but feel a little used. This simple erotic pleasure is better than I could have imagined it, and normally I wouldn't be stopping, but I get pulled back to reality. We struggle a bit until I grab a hold of both her wrists and pin them over her head, which stops her abruptly.

"Haley," I whisper out harshly, "Wait." She wants to move too quickly and for some crazy reason I don't. I want to take it slow. I realize that this isn't right, that she's had too much alcohol to drink. She opens her eyes and sees how serious I am. I can tell she's hurt and even more confused than before. She remains quiet so I slowly remove my hands from their tight grip. Before I can stop myself, my mouth opens, "This isn't right."

I move off of her and sit down at the edge of the bed facing away from her. I don't want to see the pain in her eyes, the pain I know I must have caused. I don't know what else to say at the moment, I figure that it's best if I don't. I want nothing more than to turn around and continue with our movements from earlier, but I know that it would only make things worse. She makes me nervous once again, but I just wait until she makes a move.

"Why not?" She finally questions. I feel the bed move and I now know that she is standing. I breathe deeply before turning around to face her. Her back is to mine and I see her fidgeting with something underneath her shirt and realize what it is. I get up and quickly help her. I can feel her tense up so I gently place my hands around her waist. She must feel uncomfortable because she spins around quickly to face me. She looks up at me with agitation.

"Doesn't this feel good?" Her voice sounds insecure, "I mean, how could something that feels so good, be…wrong?" Our bodies touch and our breathing becomes heavy again. For a second I think of giving in, I think of lifting her up and moving her over to the bed, I think of all the dirty, wrong things that we could do to each other.

She's right. It does feel good.

It takes everything in me to remove my hands away from her waist. I can tell she's annoyed, but this isn't how I want things to happen. Especially not in some random bedroom owned by someone I don't even know. It's too familiar, and I'm not going to repeat my past.

"I can't. Not like this." She pouts and then backs up a little.

"Well if you don't want me then-" She tries to escape but I quickly grab her by the arm and turn her back around to face me.

"Trust me." I breathe out heavily, "I want you." I let go of her and I quickly put my shirt back on but she won't let me leave it at that. She blocks the door so I can't leave.

"Then what's the problem?" She searches in my eyes to find the answer that I know she won't like. I look away from her and huff. I shake my head because I know what I'm about to say will irritate her and probably make her angry.

"You don't want me." She shakes her head in confusion and I proceed. "You want to hurt Lucas, and despite my hatred for the guy, I don't want to help you." She looks down at her feet because she must know that on some level there is truth in what I've told her. She slowly walks away from the door and lets me leave. I know that this isn't the best way to leave things with her, but I figure that it's easier to walk away now, than to get hurt. And I'm not usually the one that leaves the situation, but Haley means more to me than anyone one else. I can't treat her like I've treated all the others. And I can't let her use me. Not when I want us to mean more.

I walk away from the room and reach the front door. I can't help but notice that tons of people are still there drinking, dancing and mingling. I feel horrible for leaving Haley that way so I'm glad to see Brooke talking to some girls. I get her attention and she dashes over to me.

"How's Haley? Luke is such a jerk. I told him that if he talks to Haley that way again we are so over. Hey, is everything okay?" She looks over at me and I can tell she's genuine. I nod my head and tell her to take Haley home and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. She willingly agrees to help and I thank her before I take off. I know that I probably shouldn't go home, because Lucas will eventually be there and I really need to stay away from the guy. It angers me how much he hurt Haley and yet he's all Haley could think about.

I drive over to the docks, thankful that Keith let me borrow this car. I park the car and walk over to a bench. The air is crisp and I take a moment to breathe it all in. It's not long before the silence I once had gets interrupted.

"You alone?" I open my eyes to see a very attractive short blonde girl. She smirks over at me, and for some reason I get the feeling that she knows who I am. I remain silent as she walks over and sits down next to me. She laughs before continuing, "Sorry, that came out way creepy." I'm still silent, waiting for her to explain why she's here talking to me. "Okay. Is anybody home?" She says sarcastically.

I finally muster out a comment, "And you are?" She stands up and walks over to the edge of the dock, then turns to face me again. I can't help but feel attracted to her, especially the way she smirks over at me.

"New lifeguard right?" She asks me, but already knowing the answer. I simply nod. "Hmm, definitely good-looking." She says to herself. I'm a little annoyed so I finally decide to speak again.

"What, am I the only good-looking guy in this town?" I say sarcastically and watch as she walks back over to me and sits down. Before she has the chance to say anything, I speak first. "Can I help you?"

She laughs again, in that seductive way. "I'm Taylor." She smirks again and for some unknown reason I smirk back. "What are you doing out so late, and so alone?" This time I laugh.

"I should ask you the same thing." She pouts and for a moment she reminds me of Haley. It freaks me a little so I decide to say something else. "So what is this? Hmm? You heard about the hot new lifeguard and decided to start stocking him in the middle of the night?"

She comes closer to me and whispers, "Wouldn't you like to know?" I notice the stench of alcohol on her breath and grunt in disgust. I stand up and walk away from her and she calls out to me. "You do your thing and, you know, try to resist!" I continue to walk until I reach my car. I take one last look over at the girl who calls herself Taylor and notice her walking away too.

I shake my head. Women.

For some reason I get the feeling that I'll be seeing her again soon. I quickly shake off that feeling and remember the events from earlier. I punched Lucas, rejected Haley, and met some random chick all in the span of a few hours. Life in Tree Hill definitely was interesting. I figure that I should probably find a place to sleep and realize that I've got nowhere else to go except Luke's. I really hope I don't run into him.


	18. I Want to Be Bad

**Chapter 18: I Want to Be Bad**

_Should I boy__Tell me what I got is what __ya__ want__Tell me do I, I turn you on__I don't want no one judging me__I __wanna__ be bad_

_-Willa Ford_

I wake up to find myself in someone else's room. For a moment I freak out because events from the previous evening haven't yet come to my memory. However, within seconds I begin to remember everything. The sharp pains in my head tell me that I drank way too much, and the clothes say that I somehow became fashionable over night. I manage to look over at the clock to see that it reads 1:15p.m.

I moan out of frustration.

How did I get into this mess?

Last night was the absolute most embarrassing moment of my entire life. I practically threw myself on him, something totally out of my character, and in spite of all that Nathan just blew me off. I don't ever remember a time of me feeling so rejected and completely helpless. I sigh hard again.

"Morning sleepyhead!" I jerk up suddenly because the sound of Brooke's voice surprises me. I see her smiling brightly back at me. "How are you feeling?" I groan once again and she simply nods, "Here, drink this." She hands me a glass of something that looks incredibly disgusting.

"I'm such an idiot." Brooke laughs and it confuses me. "Why are you laughing at my pain? Okay so I admit, I had a little too much to drink last night." I confess.

"Come on, everything will turn out okay." She lightly taps my legs, trying to make me feel better, "Trust me, I should know. I'm the queen of doing stupid things." I slightly glare at her and she quickly apologizes. I finally take a sip of the glass she handed to me.

I gag and quickly spit out the contents.

"Brooke! What the hell is this stuff?" She gives me a sympathetic smile and tells me that I don't want to know. I end up putting the drink on her nightstand and lie back down. I get the feeling that Brooke really wants to talk so I ask, "What's on your mind, Brooke?"

"So what exactly happened last night?" I had a feeling she was going to ask me sooner or later. I can tell she doesn't want to make me upset or uncomfortable, but I also know how curious she is. I'm still silent, trying to think of how to explain everything. She speaks again, "Did you sleep with him?"

I don't know what to say. I stare at Brooke for a second before turning my eyes away. A part of me wants to tell Brooke the truth, that I tried to seduce Nathan into sleeping with me, but instead he refused to touch me. But most of me just feels incredibly embarrassed and unwilling to admit that the sexy new life guard isn't interested in the simple good girl.

And so what if I don't admit it? Why would it matter if she knew the truth or not? For so long I've wanted people to stop judging and seeing me as the good girl, the non spontaneous girl that never knows how to have any fun. I'm tired of feeling normal. I want to be wild. I want to be sexy.

I want to be bad.

I sort of laugh at myself because I know it sounds ridiculous. I'm not good at being bad, or crazy or wild, and especially not at being sexy. I'm so insecure about myself that I can't even pretend. And now after being rejected from Nathan, I feel even more self-conscious. Why didn't he want me? I tell myself it's because I'm not a bad girl; I don't have that obvious beauty like Brooke does, or that crazy fun personality that people are addicted to. At this moment, I don't care if Brooke, or anyone else for that matter, thinks that I had sex with Nathan.

And for now, I'm not going to admit to anything.

"Haley," Brooke's questioning voice pulls my thoughts back to reality, and I turn to face her. "I'm sorry; it's really not my business." I can tell she is slightly offended for me not want to confide in her. She stands up and forces as smile. "I'm just going to go. Stay as long as you need." I nod and watch her quickly leave me alone in her room.

I should have been honest. I should have even at least thanked her for taking care of me. Truthfully, I don't know why I didn't.

I eventually leave Brooke's house and discover Taylor making herself lunch in my kitchen. She doesn't look up to see me when I enter the room. Instead she focuses making on her peanut butter and jelly sandwich while asking me where I had been all night. Her tone isn't judgmental, which surprises me, but is of curiosity. I half lie and tell her that I just spent the night at Brooke's. I don't know why I feel like I have to lie to her, she's not my mother. But then I figure that she knows I'm lying because I'm still in the clothes I wore yesterday. She just rolls her eyes at me like she knows better.

"So what about you?" I ask, "Did you have a crazy night?" I watch her as she smirks. I can tell she's remembering something that must have been exciting. Sometimes I wish I had that mentality. I think for a moment and realize that I'm actually jealous of my older sister. It really quite disgusts me.

Taylor laughs softly, "Something like that." I can tell that she doesn't want to share her memory with me, so I decide to leave her to her thoughts. It's always been awkward with us. I'm mean when we aren't screaming at each other or anything. I've never really felt like I could confide in Taylor because she is so different from me, I feel like she wouldn't understand.

Before returning to my room I hear a knock on the front door. I'm in shock when I see who is standing at the door.

"Luke?" I squint my eyes in confusion, and then I remember the horrible things he said to me last night. "What are you doing here?" I ask harshly. I can tell that he's struggling.

"Haley, I'm…about last night…I was..wait a minute." He suddenly takes notice of my clothing. "Did you just get home?" His tone of voice switches from apologetic to critical. "Haley. Did you…did you sleep with Nathan?" I can tell his angry now.

"Lucas, I…" I catch myself in the same predicament I had earlier with Brooke. I just stare back at him, and I decide to not say anything. I can tell that he is impatiently waiting for my answer but he soon realizes that I'm not going to tell him.

"Damn it." He says softly, "I'm going to kill him." Suddenly, he catches me off guard when he brings his arms around me and pulls me into a hug. I'm tense and confused at first, but after a while the warmth of his chest makes me remember how much I love him. We are silent for a long time, standing in front of my house, and I feel so much comfort in him, a feeling that I had forgotten. Luke's hug tells me that he was sorry for everything, and that he doesn't need words to explain. I bury my face deeper in his chest and I feel his arms tighten around my waist.

I'm glad that I finally have my friend back.

"I've been such jerk, Haley." He says softly, "I've been really selfish lately." I slowly pull away from Lucas and give him a sympathetic smile. "I just, you deserve so much better. I love you Hales." He kisses my forehead to let me know that he has missed me.

"Lucas-" I start but then he quickly cuts me off.

"I know I haven't been very understanding, but I promise things will be better." He looks at me and I can tell that he is truly remorseful. "You must be so confused right now." For the first time Lucas doesn't know everything about me and it feels incredible. However, I can't help but confide in Lucas, and not just about Nathan, but about everything.

"Luke, I didn't have sex with Nathan." I say confidently and I see his facial expression change from confusion to relief.

I finally found the moment to explain everything to Lucas. I first had changed and then he drove me to the park and that's where I told him about my insecurities, and my hatred for my mother. It was the first time that I didn't feel suffocated, and he reminded me why he was my best friend by listening to and being understanding.

"And Nathan?" He finally asked me, "You have feelings for him?" I wasn't sure how to put it into words.

All I could do was nod.


	19. Trust Your Feelings It's Easy Now

**Chapter 19: Trust Your Feelings, It's Easy Now**

_Make a promise take a vow  
And trust your feelings it's easy now  
Understand the voice within  
And feel the change already beginning  
Oh won't you tell me again  
Can you feel it  
Won't you tell me again  
Tonight_

_-Moody Blues_

I'm about ready to explode.

"Damn it, Haley, I've been down that road! I know where it leads, and trust me it's not all that it's cracked up to be." I yell at her harshly to get my point across. She flinches at my words and I can tell that she's upset, but definitely not going to leave it at that.

"You don't get to run my life Nathan. Not you. Not my mother. Not anyone, ok?" She bites back at me, but I get the feeling her anger is directed more towards her mother than at me. I get it though, the anger that she's feeling. On many levels I feel the same way that Haley does. The minute I got into trouble, my mother shipped me thousands of miles away. She didn't understand me at all, and I know that Haley's mom treats her the same way. It's so damn frustrating, and the only person to yell at is the only one that is truly listening. I get it, but that doesn't mean that I should let her continue feeling this way.

I watch as she glares harshly at me and then quickly turns her back.

"Haley!" I reach for her and quickly spin her around to face me, "Don't walk away from me." I order her as I pull her closer into my body. I can feel her body soften, and for a moment I believe that she will put down her defenses and give into my embrace. But after that brief moment, I feel her tense up again and shove me away from her.

She screams at me, "Stop it! Stop acting like you can fix everything." I notice that her eyes begin to tear a little as she looks down at her feet. I brush my thumb over her cheek to get her to look back up at me.

Her eyes gaze back and forth between mine own until she finally speaks, "You can't just touch me like that and expect everything to be okay." She breathes in deeply before speaking up again. "You can't help me. You don't understand-" But I cut her off, I'm angry that she keeps repeating this to me. But she knows, I confessed everything to her that night by the docks. She can't keep pushing me away, not when I know I'm the only one that can help her, that wants to help her.

"I know, Haley, I know what you are going through. I told you everything about my past, my parents. Those weren't lies." I slowly reach my hand out to hers and she surprisingly takes it. When she looks up at me I can see the vulnerability, the hopelessness, and the fear.

She surprises me again when she jumps towards me and captures my lips with her own. She kisses me passionately, and I quickly give in to her movements. I know she wants me, and I want her just as badly. She lets go of my hand and places her arms around my neck, bringing me closer 

to her. My body sinks into her as our movements increase rapidly. I move my hands to her back, and I press her roughly into me.

God, this feels so good.

I want to moan, but before I get the chance to I feel empty and cold from the lack of her body against mine.

She moves back quickly, breathing heavily until she finally gains control of her breathing again. I pant for breath at the same time I try to figure her out. First she wants me, then she pushes me away, then she wants me again, and now she once again pushes me away. Damn, this girl is confusing. Before I moved here, I know I would not have wasted this much energy on a girl. I wouldn't have cared this much, to let her constantly mess with my head. But Haley isn't just any girl.

"This is why you can't help me." She says quietly, but I just stare back at her confused. "I want you so badly." It's the first time I hear her confess this to me, and I want to smirk back and reach out to her and tell her that I want her just as badly.

"Why is that so bad?" I say in my argumentative voice, a little angry that she's trying to make excuses.

"Because. Because I'm not her." She finally confesses.

Two Weeks Earlier. 

I successfully avoided Lucas that night, and pretty much for the past week I haven't really seen him. Although, the times I have seen Lucas, he seemed more calm than I would have figured. But I guess I shouldn't really be complaining. I made sure that I kept busy with working at the club; for once I'm glad that I have lifeguard duties to keep me out of trouble. It's been comforting knowing that I don't have to worry about Lucas trying to kick my ass, although I know that he in no way would succeed, but it's just the idea that dealing with him and his annoying squinty eyes is something I didn't want to deal with at the time. It's not that I'm afraid of him, in fact after all the shitty things he has done to Haley he has actually made me really want to kick his ass, but the fact that I'm leaving under Keith's roof, and I seriously don't want to ruin what I have here.

The only problem with my lifeguard duties, is that I haven't been able to see Haley, and after everything that happened that night, it's important that I talk to her, explain everything. Even though it's only been a few days, I have a feeling that Haley is avoiding me but it wasn't until I saw Brooke this morning during one of my lifeguard sessions at the club that I realized the situation was worse than I thought.

"Hey." She smiled over at me softly getting my attention and I returned the gesture. "How've you been?" She tried to make small talk, but I knew that she just wanted to get to the point, and I didn't really want to waste time with pleasantries.

"How's Haley doing?" I asked genuinely concerned, but I knew I wasn't going to get a straight answer. Brooke looked over at the people crowded around the pool before turning back to answer me.

"Humiliated. " She then sighed, probably thinking that she shouldn't have been there. "What did you do to her?" I could tell there was judgment in her voice and it angers me a little, but I knew that it would be better to keep my mouth shut this time. "She's pretty upset."

"She didn't tell you?" I asked a little shocked that Brooke didn't know. When she shakes her heard I understand. I didn't really know what to say to her, so I waited until she told me what she was here for.

"Look, she doesn't know that I'm here, mostly because she doesn't want me involved, but I think it's important that you talk to her." She walks closer to my lifeguard chair and looks up at me. "You at least owe her that much." I didn't say anything as she walked away.

That was all this morning. I knew Brooke was right, I owe it to Haley to explain everything, especially why I left her that night, even though I still feel like I did the right thing. She was drunk and pissed at Lucas, and it would have made things incredibly complicated. I knew that I need to explain, and tonight I plan to do that.

I had just finished my shift at the club and I head towards Haley's. Before knocking on the door, I get nervous afraid that she'll slam the door in my face. I pause, take a deep breathe and then knock. I wait a few minutes until I notice a girl that isn't Haley answer the door.

"Hey, I remember you," She smirks over at me which makes me nervously tuck my hands into my pockets. "That night is still a bit hazy," she laughs, "but there is no way I could forget you." I furrow my eyebrows in confusion which makes her laugh again, "I'm Taylor James." She sticks her hand out at me, expect me to shake it. Instead my nerves turn into confidence when I realize that she is Haley's sister, and the weird drunk girl I saw by the docks.

"I'm Nathan Scott." I offer my name instead of my hand. She looks shocked which is followed by laughs. "I wouldn't have guessed you were Haley's sister." She smirks over at me again and then shrugs.

"Most people don't." She opens the front door wider signaling me to follow her back inside the house. I follow shortly, while she continues to speak. "So a Scott huh? You must be related to Lucas." Unfortunately, I think when I walk into Haley's living room and watch as Taylor sits down on the couch. It's weird for me; I'm not used to this small town feeling where everyone knows everyone. It's unsettling to know that everyone in this town knows who I am, or at least thinks they do. Tree Hill's definitely different from my home town.

"So what are you doing here anyway?" Taylor's voice snaps me back to reality. "Did you not get enough of me the other night?" She says playfully, making me smirk a little, this girl is really something else. "Are you stalking me Nathan Scott?" She asks me seductively while tilting her head and raising her eyebrow in a suggesting way.

"I don't even know you," I laugh at little at her and she just rolls her eyes at me.

"That's half the fun though, isn't it?" For a moment I understand what she means. I've had that feeling, the feeling of living on the wild side, of never knowing where the road leads, where your journey is going to take you. I used to live my life that way, always letting life pass me by, living on the edge. The adrenaline would pump through me and make me feel alive, dangerous, wild. I felt like I was invincible, like I couldn't be touched. For a while that's how it was; I never had to face the consequences of my actions, at least not until now.

I look over at Taylor and images from my past flash in my mind. I can easily remember how easy it was to fall back into my old habits, chasing after many different dreams, without a real goal. I could easily be that guy again, the bad guy, the dangerous, conceited one, the guy that made decisions based on impulse.

But I'm sick of that guy.

Or should I say boy. Yeah, because I was a boy, a lost misunderstood boy that really just hadn't grown up yet, and one who looked towards stealing to gain the attention of his parents. I didn't understand it at first, why they had to ship me so far away, but I finally get that now. And it's because of her. I want to be that dependable guy for Haley. I can't afford to be selfish; I can't be that boy anymore and that's why I left her that night. I could have easily gave in to my urges and slept with Haley that night. But that's not what she needs, or what she deserves. I just need her to know that I care, and that I can help.

"Look Taylor, is Haley home? I really need to talk to her." I change the subject and shift my weight back and forth between my legs waiting for an answer. She huffs at me with mock disappointment.

"And all this time I thought you were here for me. Bummer, she's not here though," She stands up from the couch and walks closer to me and places her hand on my shoulder. "When she gets back I'll tell her that you stopped by." I'm disappointed that Haley isn't home, and I know that it shows on my face. I'm curious as to where she is, maybe I can find her.

"Do you know where she is?" I ask Taylor and she nods her head letting me know that she does.

"She's off with Lucas somewhere." I'm stunned. I didn't realize that Luke and Haley had made up. It takes no more than a few seconds to get hot with jealousy and I have the overwhelming urge to hit something. I clench my jaw hard enough to see the bows against my cheek. "They've been hanging out a lot lately. It's actually pretty annoying-"I'm pretty jealous at this point and I know that Taylor can sense that, but I really don't care. I'm jealous; a part of me knows that I'm selfish for not wanting Haley and Lucas to be close again.

"That makes sense. I haven't seen much of him lately." I blurt out my thoughts which cause Taylor to give a questioning glance. "I should probably go-"

Suddenly at that moment, I hear the sound of Haley and Luke's laughter and the rustling of the front door opening. My eyes wander from Taylor toward the entrance to the living room where Haley appears, a beautiful smile planted across her face. It takes them both a minute to notice that Taylor and I are here and it annoys me. I clear my throat to get their attention and it works like a charm. Haley's eyes avert from Luke's and quickly land on mine. I can't tell if she's shocked or upset that I'm here, but we are all silent for a moment until Taylor speaks up.

"Well this is awkward." I then take notice of Lucas, who looks annoyed that I'm here but willing to keep calm.

"What are you doing here?" Haley then unfreezes and moves to put her things on the counter. I still remain silent until finally Luke gets the hint and explains that he needs to be someplace. "Um…Taylor?" I can hear the annoyed tone in Haley's voice.

"Okay, okay. I get the hint." She rolls her eyes and reluctantly leaves the two of us to have another sixty-second staring contest. I decide to make the first move and speak out about why I'm here.

"I came to see you. I wanted to talk to you." Was all I could really muster out. I could feel my hands shaking a bit, nerves taking the best of me again. She looked down at her feet before speaking up.

"Nathan, I-"

"No wait-"I interrupt, "Just, let me explain first. What I did to you was, wrong. I just want you to know that I'm sorry." I begin to fidget with my fingers, impatiently wait for Haley to respond. It takes all my strength I have not to reach out and grab her arm and move her closer to me.

"I know. I mean, I understand. I wasn't necessarily making the situation any easier for you." She looks up at me and pauses for a moment to stare into my eyes and I take this opportunity to do just the same, "I know what it looked like, but this has never been about Lucas, not really anyway. And it wasn't your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. I pretty much was just a drunken idiot. I had too much to drink, Lucas pissed me off-"

"So you wanted to get back at him." I state not really in a questioning way. She pauses a minute before responding.

"I did. At first anyway." She walks slowly walks closer to me, "I'm sorry too." She slowly smiles up at me, and for the first time since she walked in with Lucas, I feel calm. I reach my hand to softly touch her cheek. "I was mostly just embarrassed." We are silent again, doing that staring contest until I find that jealousy takes over once again.

"So you and Lucas?" I say a little unsure of what I want to hear from her as I remove my hand from her cheek. She nods.

"Yeah, we're okay." I know I don't have the right to be jealous. But I am. I back away from her rather quickly, until I hear her voice, "Wait." I stop abruptly, "Maybe you and I can hang out, spend some time together?" I look up and see the desperation in her eyes, I can tell that Haley is nervous.

"And what about Lucas?" I ask, and then I can see her smile as she comes closer to me and gently grabs my hand. She pauses for a moment before slowly reaching up and finally meeting my lips her with own. It's brief, but enough to send chills down my spine. This girl still has that affect on me.

When she pulls away she says to me, "Does that answer your question?" I'm silent so she continues, "He can't stop me from feeling this way, and he won't." My jealousy is suddenly replaced with playful arrogance as I smirk over at her.

"Feeling what way?" She looks down at her feet again before responding.

"Take me out on a date and maybe I'll tell you," We both laugh a little before we make plans.

Later that day I walk in to my room, still pleased with my earlier conversation with Haley, to find Lucas waiting for me. It isn't exactly what I hope for, but I figure this conversation is bound to happen sooner or later. I pause, wait for him to stop squinting at me and finally speak. We do this staring contest until he finally gives in.

"So, you and Haley," He breathes out and I start to get sarcastic.

"Cut right to the chase then huh? Not even a little small talk?" The look he gives me makes me stop acting immature, "Alright, what?" I wait for him to lecture me and tell me that I'm not good enough for his best friend.

"I don't like it, in fact I hate it, but Haley seems too think you're not all bad." Totally didn't expect that, "I promised I would respect her, so this is the first step." I'm quiet while he pauses to hear my reaction, but I don't really know what to say. "I don't trust you, but she does. Don't take advantage of that." That was probably as close as I could get as an apology, but I took it anyway. I really didn't want him in the middle of me and Haley. In fact, I thought it was quite a big gesture for him.

He walks passed me leaving me with my thoughts. We'll never understand each other.

"I usually don't do stuff like this, it's different." I finally say after we finish out dessert. And it's true; I've never taken a girl out to a nice fancy restaurant. Usually it's just simpler things like movies and parties. But I like the change.

She looks up at me curiously, "Different as in bad?" I smile a little noticing her nervousness. I reach my hand across to meet hers, and gently take her hand in mine. I feel her relax at my touch.

"Different as in good," I smirk at her and for a moment we stay in silence. We've really mastered that staring contest thing. Finally I break the silence. "What about you, I feel like we haven't really talked since that one night in Keith's car." She slowly moves her hand away from mine and it bothers me a little.

"You mean have I gone on dates?" She asked a little bit offended but I explained and she continued, "Not many recently. I had a long term guy for a while, but it was complicated." I couldn't tell if she wanted to talk about it or not, but I decided against my better judgment.

"Complicated as in?" I offer and am slightly surprised that she explains.

"As in it wasn't meant to be, but it definitely spun my head a little." She laughs suddenly, "I know that probably doesn't make any sense, hence the complicatedness. His name was Jason, and we dated for about five months two summers ago. He was 3 years older than me; I met him through my sister." I could tell that she was a little uncomfortable but I had the urge to ask her more.

"Did you love him?" I know it was really inappropriate, but sometimes I can't stop myself from wondering.

She paused for a moment, "No. I mean of course I thought I did in the beginning, but I noticed that I was happier just hanging out with Lucas than doing anything romantic with him. Why so curious?" She looks over at me, her eyes filled with excitement.

"I just want to know everything about you." I couldn't help it; I know it sounded majorly corny. But I knew she appreciated it as she smiled.

"So Nathan what about you? Any past relationships?" I could tell that she's definitely interested in hearing my answer, but I have a hard time explaining.

"Actually, there's this girl, girlfriend, we dated for while." She starts to wonder, and begins to realize what I'm hinting at. "She was my girlfriend up until I left." I paused longer again, hoping it wouldn't make things awkward. "We broke up because I left." I suddenly feel tense. I didn't want to talk about her, not now anyway. I watch her facial expressions as she ponders for a moment.

"I guess I never really thought about that before, I mean that you had to leave people you cared about behind. That must've been really difficult for you." I love that she's concerned about me and not at all acting awkward towards me.

"It wasn't easy and I was pretty angry in the beginning, but now I understand why she did it. I was hanging with the wrong kinds of people. I was mixed up in things that I shouldn't have been. I finally understand now that she saved me. My mom is far from perfect, but she did what she thought she had to."It still amazes me that I can so easily open up to her. She can easily break through the barriers. No one could do that before.

"So have you talked to her since you left?" I wasn't really sure whom Haley was referring to, but I just assume that she means my mother.

"Once. It's hard sometimes. We haven't really been a family in a long time." This time she reaches her other hand to cover mine to stroke my own hand gently. This feeling never gets old for me, and I can't help but smile at her touch. Her skin softly caresses mine and it's hard for me to stop thinking about feeling her lips with mine.

"I understand that family can be hard sometimes, well most of the time."She paused, "What about the girl? Do you still-"I noticed that she starts to tense up again, but I'm not sure if it's nerves or jealousy. Either way it's a major turn on. I cut her off quickly though.

"No, it's not like that anymore." I clear my throat, "Come on. Let's dance." I grab her hand and drag her over to the rest of the dancing couples. I know I should have explained more but, it just doesn't feel like the time.

I pull her body so close to mine that I can lightly smell her hair. I get lost in the smell of coconut for a minute before I notice her pull away to look up at me. We dance like this for a while before I dip my head down to kiss her lips. We linger there for a while, slowly dancing while our lips gently touch. She's the first to break away, but I'm not surprised to see her smile. She leans her body closer to mine so that I can wrap my arms around her comfortably.

"This is nice," She breathes out barely above a whisper. I silently agree with her and then gently kiss the top of her head before pulling her away with me off the dance floor.

"I should take you home." It wasn't something either of us were looking forward too, but I figured that taking it slow was much better than rushing into things. Despite my eagerness and impatience, I liked it better this way. It allowed me to appreciate the small things.

I paid our waiter on the way out and then we headed for the car. Before we both knew it, we had parked in front of her house. I turned off the engine to face her. I could tell she was aching to ask me something important.

"Are you alright?" I question, she nods but I could tell there was something. "Hey," I assured her, "you can tell me." She looks out the window to her house for a while before answering me.

"I was just thinking, that maybe," she feels brave enough to face me now, "I could stay with you tonight." I smirk a bit as she nervously bites her lip. Before I could answer back she stars rambling though. "I mean, I know that must sound bad. It's just that I know Luke and Keith and Karen are gone for the weekend, and hurricane Taylor has still taken over my house. I just figured that I could use the quiet, you know with you. But I know it's probably not a good idea, so let's just drop this okay?" She quickly unbuckled her seatbelt, already halfway out the car before I could let out a laugh.

"Haley wait," I demand with a reassuring laugh as I took a hold of her elbow. "Get in." I ordered. She obeyed but looked skeptical about my actions. I turn on the engine again; ready to drive to my final destination.

"Where are we going?" Haley asks me quietly before placing her seatbelt back on. I can tell she is staring intensely at my features, trying to figure out my thoughts.

"Where it's quiet." She seemed to understand me and relaxed as she sat further back in her seat. I could see from the corner of my eyes a smile appearing from her lips.

We drive in silence back to Keith's and we find ourselves holding hands while walking up the pathway to the front door. She stops me abruptly, "Thank you for dinner." She smiles and silently motions for me to kiss her again. I'm about to give in until I hear the sound of a car park in front of the driveway.

The light from a taxi cab shines brightly in our direction, and we both can't help but look over to see who's there.

The girl stepped out of the car and quickly got her bags. It took me a second to finally figure out who it was. She had pretty blond wavy hair, and had a tall slender figure. I could recognize that smile of hers anyway.

"Peyton?" I questioned out in shock. When she heard me, that's when she rushed over to me to give me a big hug. I had forgotten about Haley standing there waiting for me, and wrapped my arms around Peyton. I didn't realize how much I actually missed her.

I knew that I was in for a rough ride. This wasn't going to go over too well.

But in the moment I didn't want to think about it. I let myself enjoy the embrace before the moment ends too quickly.


End file.
